Deep Gladness

I was feeling frustrated and tired today. I felt like giving up and wondered if I really was where I was supposed to be. Then I read this. "The place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet"... That's where I am! I lose track of time each morning and prefer being at my work even while I'm really sick. And I do meet aching needs... sometimes it's a hug to a little girl, or a smile at a student who feels alone, or opening and engaging minds that will shape the future of this country and region. Even if it isn't big, it is my "deep gladness".

"If you're not sure what to do next, consider Frederick Buechner's advice. He says to search for your vocation at "the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." You know you've found your own deep gladness when you lose track of time when you're engaged in your work. You know you've found work that meets the needs of an aching world when you discover ways that your work can bring comfort, help or healing to others."

On the Death of Dreams

Jenny Schroedel

The day of the newly well...

I washed the howsha today. (That is our tile patio.) Coldness, water... it was a little hard to get myself going into the job. But, once I got going it was fabulous. I love a bit of physical work. Being a teacher is so mental most of the time. I also helped tidy up our house a bit. Last night the power went out. It's really hard to clean up in the dark, so we just left it for the next day. I also built a little bookshelf for my schoolbooks using a board, a pillowcase, and bricks. These bricks are monstrous and heavy... especially four at at time. But I like my bookshelf. I made pizza today too... what else... some grading. I might not have been so productive with the rest of my day if I had not been procrastinating from reading some of my students legends. Fifth grade ESL writing makes me unable to speak English. All week I've been having to re-say things so that they actually make sense. Walked to the grocery store... or rather several convenience stores. Bought butter, margarine, cheese, toothpaste, coca-cola, bread and matches. No napkins made an appearance or I would have bought them too. Kurdistan is a run-on sentence. Thus my sentences also have become rather winding and pointless. =) It is a funny thought. Xwat legal!

I'm in a room full of oil

I'm in a room full of oil, originally uploaded by thebeloved.

The oil is only about one inch deep, actually, and at a level of about waist high. It is incredibly reflective and plays all sorts of tricks on your eyes, even when you are up close to it.

In the Dark...

I'm very good at doing many things in the dark. I can put on my makeup in the dark (nothing fancy). I can walk through my house in the dark. I can exercise in the dark. But some very simple things are difficult to do in the dark. Take putting toothpaste on your toothbrush. Try doing that with your eyes closed one of these days! It's a challenge... and one that doesn't have consistent results even with practice.

What?

I sat down here at the computer and thought that I should post something on my blog. Opening up the page I asked myself what I should write. This troubled me... in fact, it still troubles me. What has been going on in my head? Usually I write about whatever I have been contemplating. However, my mind seems rather blank. Not that I haven't been thinking on things. They just aren't things that I feel are complete enough or interesting enough to share. But here's a brief list of what's been going on in my head.

• Boggle (I lose and lose and lose...)
  
• Lilias Trotter on the Light of Christ (Jen gave me a neat book!)
  
• Decaffeinated teas (I bought some)
  
• The 3000 piece puzzle in our basement (lots of green bushes)
  
• Hotels and trains in Istanbul (why do I care?)
  
• My next mailing (I'm procrastinating)
  
• The SAT scores of my students (they aren't posted yet!)
  
• Cutting my dog's toenails (it needs done)
  
• Making jewelry (my sister's the one doing this)
  
• Sewing shoulder bags (very fun fabric)
  
• George MacDonald (reading and enjoying)
  
• Writing poetry (my sister insists that it can't be melancholy)
• 
  
• 
  

USA

Still adjusting.
Drinking water from the tap.
No limits on the number of amps available.
Toilet paper in the toilet, not the trash can.
Caroling.

Midterm Exams

Tomorrow Midterm Exams start. Now most American schools don't give first graders a Midterm Exam, but here we do. There would be no way to convince a parent that their kid is failing unless they fail some major test. And even then, they will argue and beg for their kid's grade to be raised from the failing 36% to a passing 70%. "But really, Miss, my son is sooo clever!" they claim. Parents are never biased about their own children.

But my kids should do well, I think. We've reviewed extensively. I've repeated myself over and over and over. It'll be good.

Death

I had to try to come up with a title that would fit two entirely unconnected pictures. First we have a prank that we played on one of our friends. The second is a picture of the supposed tomb of the prophet Nahum.

Addressing Your Own Heart

A sort of quandry has come up recently. Someone has done something that I'm not sure if I should address. I understand the difficulties in their situation, but I'm not sure if they realize the stress and irritation they are causing. I don't know if the frustration in my own spirit is right or if I'm just too easily troubled. I know that I shouldn't bring it to them while I'm riled up about it, so I'll just pray for now. But how do I know if I should carry it to them later? How do I know what should be done for the peace of the group, for the betterment of our work, the growth of our students? How much do I make allowance for human folly? Which situations require grace and even abundant grace? When should one cover over a matter to promote love (Proverbs 17:9)? When would it be better to confront a bear robbed of her cubs? When is it my own foolishness that needs confronting?

This kind of situation seems to be reoccuring for me over the last couple of weeks. Most of the time I wait and pray and God works it out for me. Other times it hangs over my head for a while. I lack wisdom and discernment for telling the difference between the problems with my own attitude and the problems with other people's actions and attitudes. Hopefully I'm growing.

Success?

Ok. It wasn't a failure at least...

Kurds are very picky about their food and most really hate to try anything new. A group of basketball players that went to the U.S.A. were most traumatized by the food out of all the cultural differences. We like flavors, spices, variety. Kurds like greasy rice and chicken cooked in tomato paste water.

We made baked chicken with egg, salt, basil, oregano, and bread crumbs. (Light on the spices.) We also made spaghetti (which they do occasionally eat here) and that was mostly tomatoes, tomato paste, some onion, garlic, and just a little basil and oregano. We also had bread, a cucumber/tomato salad, tirshiat (a red pickled cabbage and cucumber dish), and some sauteed peppers and zucchini.

It worked. They didn't love the food... but they did eat it. We almost had a tea crisis because I struggle with making Kurdish tea, but they seemed to like it and had seconds. And our pudding with a digestive cracker crust had the 3rd grader coming for seconds.

The best part was after they left and we pulled the dishes (we hadn't been able to wash all of them before the guests arrived) out of the laundry rooom and had a chance to sit down and laugh about all the silly things we'd done to try to pull off this feat. And all in all we felt pretty good about it. We have Dutch company tonight... Thanksgiving at our house tomorrow. Company!

Dinner Time

We're having a local family over for dinner.

This is a rather stressful event for us foreigners. We want them to actually be willing to eat what we put before them. But if we try Kurdish food, we'll fail miserably and we'll end up spending all night having them tell us how to really make Kurdish food (their way!). So we've got to come up with something that is both semi-Kurdish in flavor and not at all Kurdish in appearance. How about that!

Add into the mix that this guy is a germophobe to the nth degree. And his wife pretends she doesn't speak English around her husband... and their kid goes to our school.

Yeah... it'll be fun and exhausting.

Psalm 19:7

"The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul."

"Even on days when every cinder in our soul feels cold, if we crawl to the Word of God and cry out for ears to hear, the cold ashes will be lifted and the tiny spark of life will be fanned. For "the law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul."
~John Piper

The Voiceless

Today I have been pondering how to teach class without a voice. I barely even squeak today. Feel fine mostly otherwise.

But class... hmm... sign language is out of the question. I'll write on the board. Maybe play classroom telephone with the directions for school. Have kids read aloud. I think it would be kind of interesting to try to go through class without doing anything more than whispering.

Should I make it a rule that if I can't speak above a whisper then they shouldn't?
But then I couldn't hear them from the back of the classroom.

Maybe not the best long term solution... but it could be fun...

Quizzes are funnny!

Question: Which Barbarian tribe attacked India?
Correct Answer: The Huns

Bawan's Answer: The Hunks
Rozh's Answer: The Hunt

Orange

As the orange disk of the sun sunk below the mountains, the sky began to fade. When the color was finally gone all that was left before me was the bleak tan haze and the power lines and the dirty buildings and the garbage. When the sky is glorious, you hardly notice these things. It is almost as if they don’t exist because your whole focus is centered on the rainbow beauty before me.

So I left you hanging...

The circus was fun. The acrobats were great. The bear was starved. And the lion tried to kill itself. All in all a good experience.

Since then, we've been doing something a bit more exciting. A lot of rappelling and taking our kids out to do it too. It's been a great experience coaxing kids off the cliff! And we've gotten some pretty neat pictures out of the deal too!

Lions and Tigers and Bears!

So, we're going to the Circus tonight. In Iraq. We'll see how that goes.

My New Favorite Book

I recently finished reading "A Severe Mercy" by Sheldon Vanuaken.

Wow.

I read some of the book on an Airplane over the Atlantic. The drone of the engines and the monotony of the travel was so distinctly contrasted to the fluid and poetic writing.

I cried for an hour in the little green yard of a church in Eastern Turkey. I wasn't upset or having an emotional breakdown... the book was so beautiful and so sad. It was carthartic in the truest sense. And yet as I continued over the next few pages I'd still get teary.

Finally at home I finished... having taken breaks to think through what he had said. The sadness was good, and the sadness had an ultimate good. The author didn't realize it at first, but later, walking through life he saw the purpose. 'How true' I thought.

The Poem My Sister Sent to Me

The Rival Poet

Billy Collins

The column of your book titles,

always introducing your latest one,

looms over me like Roman architecture.

It is longer than the name

of an Italian countess, longer

that this poem will probably be.

Etched on the head of a pin,

my own production would leave room for

The Lord's Prayer and many dancing angels.

No matter.

In my revenge daydream I am the one

poised on the marble staircase

high above the crowded ballroom.

A retainer in livery announces me

and the Contessa Maria Teresa Isabella

Veronica Multalire Eleganza de Bella Ferrari.

You are the one below

fidgeting in your rented tux

with some local Cindy hanging all over you.

Today

The sun is breaking through the rainclouds in that 'wow, how beautiful' sort of way. It's my last weekend with my family. My suitcases are too heavy. And I'd really rather be outside than tidy the living room and re-pack. But the sun is glorious.

Ta Da!

Finished the power point, now just need some polishing and practice. Hopefully we'll manage short and sweet (for the first time ever!).

Thinking a lot about the Christian and Muslim views of sin lately. In practice, they aren't that different sometimes. But comparing the Bible and the Koran, they are very different. Hmm... still thinking.

To Do:

1. Prepare slideshow for presentation on Tuesday.
Not feeling inspired.
Slow going.

Walmart and Journals

A terribly dangerous place... Walmart. It is full of wonderful things this time of year for teachers. And I am especially vulnerable because I have an awful affection for paper, blank books, pens, notebooks, and stickers. It must be a family trait because as we moved my sister into her new apartment, we discovered that she has a shelf almost entirely of journals. Some are full others are empty. I have a small rubbermaid bin of my full journals. I've been writing in journals since I was six. I haven't always been very faithful, but a good large portion of my life is well documented from inside my mixed up mind. It isn't a very balanced perspective, I'm sure, because I tend to write more when I am very frustrate, mad, or upset. And sometimes more when I'm very happy. But all that in between time (which is where I am most often) ends up a little more sparsely covered in the annals of my life. Now I just have to decide which blank book I'm going to take with me to the ME in case I fill up the one I am using now.

Accomplishments...

I have actually been able to finish most things on my list. I don't think the dog will be trained in week though. She's not terribly intelligent. Or maybe she is smart, just stubborn. Perseverance will win out in the end... which ever one of us perseveres, that is.

Now, I'm just trying to figure a hostel or hotel in a central Turkey. It's actually kind of fun wondering how much of it is just advertising and how much is real. I mean, all of these places "sound" great. Haha.

I'm enjoying how much reading I've been able to do this summer. Not that I've read really important things or anything, but I've had time to lounge through books that I enjoy. They are comfortable to me and peaceful. I'm a sucker for peace.

To Do... This Week

• Add to red dress for brother's wedding
• Visit with friends
• Make frame on oval table for mosaic
• Find glue for mosaic
  
• Download more audio books
• Cook orange chicken
• Trying to get Advair prescription renewed without a doctor visit (DONE!)
  
• Buy medications (DONE!)
• Pack to spend a week with Katie!!!!
• Find something interesting to write a blog post on...
• Train dog to be ok with toe nail clippers (just going for ok...)
• Take sister's car to get an oil change
  
• Buy oranges for the orange chicken (I should have put this up higher in the list...huh...)
• I think I need ginger too...
• I need to write something... dunno what... but I've got a writey bug...
• I'm sure there is more, but I'm tired and need to go now.
• TTFN!
  

Friends

I had some of my team over this week and they saw my Moscow world and met my family. It was really fun to get to know one of them better. It was great to spend time with all of them. The girl I've lived with for the past year is one of my best friends and she makes me laugh so often. But she can be serious too. She loves me while knowing nearly all of my flaws. I am humbled. I am blessed.

Adjusting

• I open the fridge to look for water. We don't keep water in the refrigerator here.
• I'm cold even though its 80 degrees outside.
• I glare at people as I go through the grocery store. I'm sorry.
• I don't know the characters on TV shows that my family has watched for years. I'm not sorry about this one.
  
• I miss my team--like a second family.
• I get to drink milk, eat deli turkey sandwiches, and granola.
• I miss my kids.
• I get to see my family every day.
• My brother took me out on a date today. We had Thai food.
• I went running yesterday. It felt good.
• I went out for coffee. Yay.
• I had a good talk with a friend. More yay.
• I went to a prayer group with people like me.
  
• America is EASY.
• America isn't perfect... it's missing some things.
  

Change

Recently in Kurdistan there has been a new list or party called Goran, which means change. The slogans sound something reminiscent of Obama and his call for change. Whether or not change is a good thing, I can't generally say. But one of the most interesting things for me as I return home is seeing how things have changed. There are big changes and small ones.

The big ones are things like my brother getting married and my family's new dog. The smaller changes are more interesting to me though. My mother changed where she keeps the baking powder and baking soda. It took me 5 minutes to discover the new location. The compost bowl is on the other side of the sink than it used to be. And the glasses are now nearly all stemware like the kind you find for water in nice restaurants.

These are only a fraction of the myriad changes in a home after six months. It isn't much to adjust to, but at least these things are things that have really changed. More things feel odd but really are very normal for here. More on those later.

Pool Party with Dr. Pepper

pool party with Dr. Pepper, originally uploaded by thebeloved.

We can make a party out of anything. Plus it was hot and we needed a way to cool off.

Girls ready for battle--in the house... =)

Girls ready for battle--in the house... =), originally uploaded by thebeloved.

We have had some wild crazy parties in our house.

Homecoming

So I finally made it back to my hometown, which remains yet a nearly changeless town. It's so peaceful and quiet here in the midst of the summer lull. A university town like this one is nearly ghostlike this time of year, especially on a Sunday afternoon.

I went for a walk in the rain with my brother. The rain made me happy and my brother made me happy and my family's dog waddled along in perfect oblivion to the lightning and thunder.

Here I am.

Happy Music

Well, this looks funky and I don't know how to fix it, but I like the music so much I'm going to leave it there... weirdness and all!----Thanks Charmaine for telling me how to fix it!

The bread of adversity

So, Mel's been showing me some verses in Isaiah. God gives the bread of adversity. He binds the wounds that he has inflicted.
How intensely joyous is it that God gives us difficulty to bring us to the point where he can bind our hurts and our sorrows. How wretched it would be if he were not willing to give us pain if it brought us ultimate joy.

Check out me and my awesome sister! Can you see us?

School schedules...

My mom just e-mailed me about my brother's school schedule. Not only do they have their final's schedule all worked out already...ok, ok... a week in advance doesn't seem that astonishing to most Americans... but they also have out their entire next year's calendar complete with holiday's and beginning and ending dates.

The admin was talking about changing the ending dates of our school this week. We still don't know even when school will start next fall. And if we asked about the holidays everyone would laugh... I would laugh. That's how long I've been here. I now laugh at the thought of knowing anything in advance. How sad.

Americans, you complain too much about your country and the systems that run it. They aren't perfect, but they could be so much worse.

Dinner at our neighbors

Our neighbors are funny people. They are quite hospitable, as most Kurds are. We had dinner with them on Tuesday. It was very typical of a dinner visit here. We were ushered into the formal living room. We chatted a few minutes, then the daughter brought in a glass of cold water, which we took one sip of and then returned to the tray which she took out.

Then after some more minutes we moved on into the other room where the food was laid out on a plastic "table cloth" or "sifra" on the floor. Many dishes all heaping with rice, soups, yaprax, chicken, and salads. I should have taken a picture. I made the mistake of loosing my plate to the mother of the house who filled it with more yaprax than I could possibly eat and I don't even like yaprax. It is rice and sour stuff wrapped in grape leaves or this other kind of leaf that we don't have in the U.S.

After eating as much as possible and even drinking mastau (a yogurt water that is reminiscent of cow--and which I think as much as I don't care for it, it helps with digestion), we moved into the living room where the TV was on. I don't think I've been in a Kurdish home without the TV on unless there was no electricity. We mostly ignored the extreme wrestling/boxing/whatever kind of fighting that was and talked some more. We drank tea, which was good, but it was late at night. And then we tried to leave... BUT! You can't leave without eating some fruit. So they hurried and brought out the fruit. Katie and I managed to split a banana and they didn't try to make us eat anymore, phew!Hopefully as we get to know them more they will treat us less like guests where we have to be forced to eat.

Another random meme... yeah, just for those of you who who have nothing else to do and are probably related to me!

I am….. a hidden woman.
I want….. to be content.

I have….. so many blessings.
I wish….. I were in heaven.
I hate….. the selfish and terrible things I do.
I miss….. my family.
I fear….. myself.
I feel….. uncertain and confused.
I hear….. the buzz of our refrigerator.
I smell….. kerosene and candles.
I crave….. love and affirmation and understanding.
I search….. God’s word for answers to my life.
I wonder….. what will become of me.
I regret….. my complaining spirit.
I love….. my students and my team.
I ache….. for the lost to know God.
I care….. about my relationships with people.
I always….. am the steady one.
I am not….. an ideas person or a decision maker.
I believe….. that God will get me where he wants me to be.
I dance….. whenever I am alone and happy.

I sing….. whenever I am moved.
I cry….. too often.
I don’t always….. say the things I want to say.
I fight….. through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving.
I write….. whatever comes to mind.
I never…. will be forsaken by God.
I listen….. most often.
I need….. to be more prayerful.
I am happy….. when my heart is right with God.

Another set of random questions that I am answering to procrastinate from writing my 5th grade science test.

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My Hair

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
I’ve only got a blue one.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
I kissed the cheeks of some of the tenth grade girls… Yeah, I’ll kiss them again.

4. Do you plan outfits?
umm… how do you mean “plan”?

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
depressed and sick

6. What's the closest thing to you that's red?
my bedspread

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
I dream so often.

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
yes, I am constantly meeting new people

9. What are you craving right now?
nothing

10. Do you floss?
yes.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Katie!

12. Are you emotional?
yes…

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Probably.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
chunky=then I bite it

15. Do you like your hair?
Yes.

16. Do you like yourself?
depends on the hour.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
I guess, if he really wanted to. But it would be awkward I think.

18. What are you listening to right now?
Noor and Katie talking in the kitchen.

19. Are your parents strict?
nope.

20. Would you go sky diving?
I guess so.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
sure… in stuff.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
I don’t think so.

23. Do you rent movies often?
nope.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
my jili kurdi is in my closet. Other than that… not really.

25. How many countries have you visited?
I don’t know.

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
no, that’s rude.

27. Ever been on a train?
Yes.

28. Brown or white eggs?
As long as the inside is white and yellow, I don’t care.

29.Do you have a cell-phone?
I do.

30. Do you use chap stick?
Every day!

31. Do you own a gun?
No!

32. Can you use chop sticks?
Certainly.

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
Katie

34. Are you too forgiving?
Nope.

35. Ever been in love?
This is a stupid question.

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
Probably going to school like a good girl… I love you Laurel.

37. Ever have cream puffs?
I have.

38. Last time you cried?
too long ago.

39. What was the last question you asked?
Are we cooking for team dinner tomorrow here at your house?

40. Favorite time of the year?
Spring in Kurdistan, Summer with my family.

41. Do you have any tattoos?
Nope.

42. Are you sarcastic?
Usually only in my head.

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Like, actual butterflies? Or is there a movie? Or the actual process of how one flap of a butterflies wings can change the course of the world?

44. Ever walked into a wall?
many kinds of walls actually… but poles and pillars more than walls.

45. Favorite color?
Don’t have one.

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
hehe… yes.

47. Is your hair curly?
No.

48. What was the last CD you bought?
I was given a Yo Yo Ma CD for Christmas.

49. Do looks matter?
In many things, yes.

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
By the grace of God, yes… I forgive my students quite often for cheating.

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
No.

52. Do you like your life right now?
Yes… but why am I so miserable?

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
Nope.

54. Can you handle the truth?
yes

55. Do you have good vision?
It’s ok.

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
I don’t think so.

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
every day.

58. The last person you held hands with?
I held hands with Katie as we ran away from the freaky men in Dohuk.

59. What are you wearing?
purple shirt, jean skirt

60.What is your favorite animal?
Dogs.

61. Where was your default picture taken at?
My default picture? What’s that mean?

62. Can you hula hoop?
I used to be able to. I’d have to practice a lot.

63. Do you have a job?
Yes.

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
a rolling pin, some thread, some balsamic vinegar, and some other junk.

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes.

Hundreds of thousands of people on a street

700,000 people on a street, originally uploaded by thebeloved.

This is about half way down the street and downhill. Each Newroz (New Year) everyone in the city goes out and walks up and down the street. Different groups have music or food on the sides of the street. But those aren't the real attractions. The real thing is to see everyone you have ever known and to watch people, especially foreigners or politicians. It is swarming and not the easiest place to walk through. We were exhausted by the time we finished, but it was worth it. Everytime we stopped for anything we drew a crowd of our own. P got interviewed by a news crew on what he thought of the festivities. People followed us around with cameras to take our picture. You'd think we were something special. =) But we did manage to see some of our students and their families which made me feel a little more normal.

Butcher shop saga... my funny story.

So, I have a friendly relationship with my butcher. He admires how we always ask for our meat with very little fat in it and always remarks at how fat he is. He's a little roundish, but not bad really. He looks very normal. Anyway, this last time he was running through the same conversation again about fat in meat and how Kurds like fat in their meat and then he mentioned how I was looking thinner and asked how much I weighed. This is not an awkward question to ask a woman here in this culture. People will regularly tell other people that they are fat or thin and scold them on it. I didn't know how much I weighed in kilos, but then he started guessing. I was stuck... still didn't know my weight in kilos. Then he pulled out a large meat scale. He wanted me to stand on his meat scale so that he could weigh me! There I am, surrounded by large slabs of meat, standing on this scale with my shoes on. I struggled to just keep from laughing.

From there, the conversation went on into the normal questions of life here. He was sad that I wasn't married (he was married at age 17) and the Koran says it's a pity to not be married (according to him). I tried to tell him that in the Bible it isn't a pity not to be married and that I was okay. He then got all excited and said he knew all about the Bible and proceeded to tell me the story of Jesus' birth and Mary and how he preached. I stood there nodding and smiling as well as I could. I just wanted 3 kilos of ground beef! It took a while... it always does. But the story was worth it.

The fan club at a school in Hawler

I can't think of anything real to post!

Where is your cell phone.......................on the table
Your hair..........................................blonde
Your father.......................................always available
Your favorite thing...............................my friends and family
Your dream last night............................interpreted by Katie
Your favorite drink...............................fruit smoothies?
Your dream/goal..................................knowing what to do
The room you are in..............................living room
Your fear...........................................having people mad at me
Where do you want to be in 6 years...........I've stopped answering that question
Muffins.............................................it's been a long time
One of your wish list items......................to stop complaining so much
Where you grew up..............................Moscow
The last thing you did............................reorganized my external harddrive
What are you wearing...........................jeans and t-shirt
Your TV............................................in the cupboard
Your pets.........................................imaginary
Your computer..................................an amazing gift
Your life............................................chaos
Your mood........................................concerned and confused
Missing someone..................................always
Your car............................................well loved
Favorite store.....................................don't like shopping
Your summer.......................................uncertain
Your favorite color...............................don't have one
When is the last time you laughed.............last night
Last time you cried................................last night
Three people who email me....................Laurel, my Mom, and Kea
Three of my favorite foods......................cheddar cheese, pomegranate, cilantro
Three places I would rather be right now............nowhere else....maybe Moscow with my fam.

It made me laugh...

http://www.laughitout.com/2009/02/why-werent-you-successful-with-arabs.html

25 things...

So enough people have tagged me to write 25 random things. But you should feel no obligation to write anything. I mean, I'm sure I'd love to know more things about you all, but I understand the busy life so no stressing over this one, alright?

1. I went to Washington D.C. twice as part of Idaho State's knowledge bowl team in high school. I was the good luck charm.

2. I don't have a favorite color. I like some colors in some places and other colors in other places.

3. I have a really hard time remembering to take the trash out. It's a good thing I live with a girl who thinks about that! Yay Katie!

4. I have never worn gray until this year and am still not sure if I like myself in it.

5. I've never been kissed.

6. Cucumbers make my tongue numb.

7. I grew up listening to Keith Green and Steve Green. This made me very confused about music artists' names and musicians in general. I've never recovered.

8. I sing and dance in my kitchen when I'm all alone. But I think everyone does that.

9. My fuzzy blue hot water bottle is named "Derf".

10. When dogs first meet me, many of them pee on themselves. Not kidding--it's called submissive urination.

11. I was invited as an economics expert to speak on T.V. on the current economic status of the United States. I declined.

12. People think I'm nice.

13. I know how many amps most appliances in my house take.

14. I wish I knew more about wireless internet routers. We have five in our house and I can't get any of them to work.

15. I like to have my toenails painted in dark colors.

16. I'm a very huggy and touchy person. I love having my girl-friends or my family stand with their arm around me or play with my hair.

17. I dislike wearing jili kurdi. I always feel so awkward.

18. I have journals from my whole life since I was seven. I still haven't decided if I will ever let anyone read them. (But that first one is hilarious!)

19. I have a fetish for beautiful blank books and nice leather bound Bibles.

20. I'm a fairly private person who has to work to open up to people. That makes things like this tagging-quiz-thing fairly difficult for me.

21. I'm very afraid of letting people down.

22. I am wrestling over the concept of hope. What is it exactly and how does it work as a part in faith? Hebrews 11:1

23. I don't like scotch or port.

24. I wish I had time to write a book, a really good book. I have an intense desire to be a part of creating something grand.

25. I would love to shoot an AK and rappel out of a helicopter--not at the same time though. Can we?

I'm sooo between the trees...

My sister and some of her friends are the only ones who will understand what I mean by this. The rest of you can admire the fashion of the youth in my city.


One way to keep from being between them, huh Laurel?, originally uploaded by thebeloved.

Car Trouble

We've had adventures with our car lately. It's been functioning fine, just the weather and traffic have been funky. 

Just yesterday morning we had 5 near misses in the traffic on the way to school. This becomes only more surprising when you discover that our house is only three or four blocks away from the school building. Later that day after several more crazy situations where God spared us, we saw a rather nasty car accident in an intersection. I'm just glad that day was unusual. 

A few days before that it snowed. It was lovely, but pretty wet. It froze overnight and our windshield was covered with snowy ice. In the morning as we prepared to leave for school we dug all over in stuff trying to find something that would work to scrape the windshield. Too thick for a plastic business card, the CD case was getting scratched, finally we happened across a large blue plastic funnel. The top part of the funnel worked great at scraping the ice off... well... pretty good at least. I've never seen a windshield scraper here, but we need one so rarely. 

Hope everyone else is driving safe! 

Christmas

I'm somewhat torn this Christmas. I usually take a nap on Christmas day and read some books... just lay around, maybe play games with my family. But while I'd really LIKE to take a nap... I won't. I have to stick to schedule and keep myself on track for my smooth adjustment from jetlag. I'm doing really well so far... but just a short nap? No. Bad me! Haha... But life is lovely just now, as I sit and listen to my new CD of YoYo Ma, and the only presents under the tree are for my friends that I haven't seen yet. I just have to figure out how to get it all in my suitcase... hmm...

Moving Day

It is approaching... The whole thing still feels a little surreal. I've lived in this house for 2 and a half years! The idea of calling somewhere else home is awkward and makes me feel distant, but at the same time the responsibility of this new home makes me feel more attached. It all smooths itself out in the end, I suppose. But I'm going to miss this funny place with its strange steps in the doorway and hallways, with the hideous brown glass chandeliers, and the ceiling stained by some man's smoking buddies some years ago. I'm going to miss the view from our roof (although we'll get a new view) and our very kind neighbors. But there is something exciting about starting somewhere new, knowing that there is no junk stashed in corners that belonged to someone from five years ago or more. It will be clean and fresh and put together. It will be nice.

Thanksgiving...

This Thanksgiving Day I went to school in the morning and taught as usual. I'm not in America so it wasn't a holiday. I came home to struggle with my propane tank which, after an hour of annoyance, I gave up. So I sat on my living room floor and ate leftover cold chili. I sat there and thought of the irony of being there in front of my kerosene heater mostly alone... Katie was in the house, but alseep. But at the same time as I began to feel a bit sorry for myself, I realized how silly it was. Not only was I scheduled to go to three thanksgiving meals over the weekend (Friday and Saturday), but in my bowl of chili I had more good food than many of the pilgrims had. And I have never been without. So, Praise God for his provision.

Places...

I is funny how we can get attached to places... even places that are not what we would have chosen or what we like. The family downstairs had to leave last week because of some medical issues (pray for them!) and most likely we're looking at packing it up and moving and selling. And while the house is a bit awkward, they and I have built memories here and know how things work. I understand the water and electricity, for example. That is no small task here sometimes. You know which faucet is hot and cold (backwards in our shower), and which one actually works--only the right hand faucet handle works in our kitchen. I can walk through my house safely in the dark. I'm a person that likes to be pretty settled; I'm working at learning how to handle change. Yet again, God takes my weakness and leads me through, teaching me to rest on his strength.

We have too much fun...

Jumping Cave 2, originally uploaded by thebeloved.

Okay... so we work hard a lot... and then to retain sanity we do silly things out hiking and in caves. Isn't this neat?!

Lost Cause

Man watering grass by hose, originally uploaded by thebeloved.

We saw this man watering the grass in the park... with a hose. He wasn't making much progress, as you can tell by the color of the grass.

Some of our Mountains and Hills

Moonshine...

So, us girls had some fun the other day. We decided to play a moon prank. The moon story is long and on a recent bazaar trip we came across a small yellow moon to replace the one we gave away long ago in Texas to someone who was less than appreciative. So we gave the little moon away along with a poem reminiscent of "Hey Diddle, Diddle!"

We set up the little moon playing a game of backgammon with some forks. Then we laughed heartily. It was a good day.

Dust...

Sometimes I feel like a broken record. I feel like I always am talking, writing, and even singing, about dust. Even the sermon last night had dry bones and dust.

We've been cleaning out a school building lately and one of my friends commented that things weren't just "dusty" but that it was more like something out of Indiana Jones. That imagery is perfect.

Even last night, it rained. Here they call this kind of rain "xol baran" or "dirt rain". Everything is covered in a layer of dirt and dust. And here we live... washing constantly, fighting off the inevitable return of the tan and glorying in the days where the sky is clear so that you can see the mountains.

Today's Lesson

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; so neither can ye, except ye abide in me. I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same beareth much fruit: for apart from me ye can do nothing.
(John 15:4-5)

The part that really resonated with me and my housemates today was that whole thing about "apart from me you can do nothing." We were trying to do stuff all day long and almost went batty with it. We couldn't even make meatballs. None of our plans came out with any sort of smoothness. It was funny and frustrating and silly altogether. For us to think that we could plan our own day... plan our own lives. Today was just a small picture of life, I guess. Like those panorama boxes that fourth graders make of the jungle or a historical event.

Have you ever....

Laughed until you cried and couldn't breath?

Sat in a room full of people from all over the world?

Had a taxi driver tell you how to say the street you live on?

Where I'm At...

I think I might be perfectly happy playing Boggle with my sister for the rest of my life.

A Thorough Going Over

Today is my brother's birthday. He hasn't been around much; he went to work, went to some lacrosse games, and out to lunch with friends. Those of us at home, however, have been getting ready for his party this evening. We are making some cakes and my mom has cleaned up the house. She seems to be taking the cleaning pretty far. The party will be in the upstairs living room and the back yard. Right now she is scrubbing underneath the washing machine and dryer in the downstairs bathroom. I guess once she got started she decided to give the whole house a thorough going over.

Alumni

I went to my high school's Alumni Day today. Wow, was that weird. No one from my graduating class was there. I saw a few people that I was really happy to see. But a lot of the people who were there were from classes so far above me that I didn't know them. They all had kids... lots of cute adorable kids. I felt a little out of place, but it was all pleasant and happy.

The Streets of Iraq...

So my friend Ibid asks about the streets of Iraq in my last posting. The lead in for the request was dirt. Hmm... Well the streets are paved where I live because it is a city. There are a few gravel roads and plenty of roads under construction as well... but I haven't run into any dirt roads.

That said, there is plenty of dirt on the roads. The whole air is full of dust and it rains mud in the spring so there is always plenty of dirt on the roads. In addition there is also plenty of trash on the streets. That has been reduced somewhat over the past year by the importation of Bangladeshi workers to clean the streets, but really it is nearly impossible to keep up with the amount of trash that people throw out the windows.

Now I'm not sure if this is what you asked for Ibid... in fact, I'm thinking it isn't. But there you go... the streets of northern Iraq.

The Summer Whirlwind

I booked my tickets to Nashville today. I have a month before I'll be flying back half-way around the world and it all seems so fast already. My summer has been a busy rush of projects and trips. I just got back from my grandparent's cabin up at Loon Lake, a lovely place with sun and sand and water. Now I'm starting to feel more of the dullness that comes with changing cultures. I wonder what to do with myself and I fight apathy. Despite my need to practice the piano , I loathe the embarrassement of how rusty I've become after a week away from the instrument. I need to pack up my things (there's going to be a girl living here this next year) and that means going through all my papers, journals, and keepsakes. After all, I don't want to box up stuff that I'm just going to throw away next time I have to open the box.

Other than that... meditating on holiness. I figured out that that was a word that I didn't really know what it meant. After hearing it my whole life thrown around in the Christian community, it had become just another word. And if I'm supposed to be holy--I had better have a really good idea of what that is. I mean, I know some of what it is, but it is a bigger and more spacious concept than it's dictionary definition. I've been reading through a book by Andrew Murray called "Holiness" and would recommend it although I'm not sure I understand it all yet. Maybe more on this later as I discover and understand more.

Anyway, there it is...

The Room Project--Finished!!!

We made the headboard, cream colored pillow shams, and the bedskirt.
I am still planning on making covers for the serger and sewing machine... we'll see if I ever get around to it now that Laurel is home.
This is the BOX! Finally complete and beautiful.
And these are the armoires that my parent's bought to help hide all their clutter. No more shelves!

It all looks so much better now.

The Window Box and Room Progress (2 weeks ago)

BEFORE.... and DURING... (AFTER comes later!)

Charles Williams

The Place of the Lion

Perhaps I'm not really familiar with enough philosophy to get this book. I am confused and... well, confused. I understand the basic plot, mostly. But I don't know what is really going on. I am only half way through. Perhaps it will all become clear in the end. I remember studying Plato and his ultimate forms. But how is that intruding on this seemingly country lifestyle of people in England? It is all so very odd.

The Yearly Planner

I really needed a planner. So, I went to Walmart (yikes!) and bought one. There is something wierd about looking at a year from now. I have a really hard time thinking about next June. What will I be doing next June? I haven't the foggiest idea. I used to be able to plan for years in advance... high school-4 years, then college-4 years, then what? Life is no longer sectioned out in large chunks. It is in smaller pieces of months, semesters, a year. Beyond that, I have no vision. I can think of what I will do for one year, but I have no solid idea of where God could take me after that. I could be in the same place. I could be somewhere else. Why does this seem so strange to me?

Knots

There are lots of kinds of knots out there. I wish sometimes that little girls had interests in things like knots like little boys have. Being a little girl myself, I never was interested in them myself. I untied plenty, growing up. Necklaces would get wound up in a jewelry box or the yarn would become a snarl in the sewing box. I remember trying to get loose some fishing line once. I don't think I ever managed to get it. In history class in 9th grade I learned about how Alexander the Great "untied" the famous knot at Gordium. I wonder if part of our modern society has come out of that tradition: that of cutting through something and doing it the quick way instead of the slow and tedious way. Have we lost the ability to sort out a problem so that everyone comes out whole and intact? Or must we take the way that gets us to the end most quickly but leaves some people torn to pieces?

My stomach is creating it's own knots today which have left me quite miserable. Neither cutting nor untying will do any good. It must merely run its own course.

Moscow!!! (not Russia)

I am finally back in my American home town with my family. It has been two weeks of living out of a suitcases and the skin is peeling on the palms of my hands.

I went for a walk with my mom and smelled the trees and grass and the clean warm air of my small town. The weather is full of heat and perfect.

I am reminded of how easy life can feel in the United States, of how simple it can feel to stroll down a street, how smooth the rhythms of life can be in a comfortable world like this.

Old Rock Climbing Adventures

Qlash

This is a miniature pair of qlash, the traditional Kurdish shoe. But this pair is just big enough for your keychain. Just thought I'd let you see what the terrorists in prison here do.

However, the real life sized shoes are made by men and women who are trained and skilled craftsmen. Some of the qlash makers are now part of a program that is reaching out to kids in Iraq. Check them out and get your own pair of shoes from Buy Shoes, Save Lives. I think this program is really neat and these people are doing a great work.

Water

I was sitting in the parking lot waiting for my car (it was coming back from being fixed) and I saw a small stream of water flowing from the guard building. Here, more than ever, I have learned some of the beauty of water. It is clear and yet shines and shimmers. It flows over and around things. It cleanses, taking the dirt into itself. It is so beautiful, but also can be so ugly when turned to slime. It gives life to plants, animals, and people too. My ind darts out to the water David poured out because he would not drink the blood of his men. The water and the blood... the Living Water, the Word washes, the blood washes... Here my mind leaps from place to place and soon has too many paths like a fractal patter that continues to split off and divide. I cannot trace it because it just keeps going like something out of control and it reties itself into knots of prayer for my students... my teachers... my friends...

The Cliffs of Insanity!

I climbed down into a 20 meter bat cave/crevice today. Then I climbed out. I think I have never done anything harder in my whole life. Even Mr. Harken's weird workouts didn't push my like this. My knees are a tribute to all purple fruits and I even managed to bruise my shoulder blades. But I had so much fun. After that I rappelled off of a 60 meter cliff. It was awesome fun! Clare climbed up about 55 meters but couldn't make the last 5 because of the lichens on the rocks and the overhang. But she made it a long way. I was already knackered by then so I didn't even try any of it. That bat cave was enough for me!

Politics in the Middle East

I met with a man today who is originally from Fallujah, a place that has been a center for violence and terrorism. He told me about how all the problems there were created by a couple of translators who were antagonistic to the American military and began the whole problem. In addition, rumors were begun that the American military had glasses through which you could see people nude. This, of course, deeply offended the honor and dignity of the very modest Muslim people. It was interesting to also note that as this man explained these miscommunications and "cheatings" he had high hopes for the future of Iraq and the American military. He expected everything to be settled within two years. I have not heard such an optimistic number from anyone else, American or Iraqi. His reasoning was that now that the Americans has been deceived, they were wiser, making wiser decisions, and understood the psychology of the people. They now know whom to listen to and whom not to trust. So, things will be better soon... I hope.

Living the Dream

My wacky week with music and magic tricks traipsing around rushing rapidly playing and praying going going talking truth and teaching jumprope and Jesus but then Bangladeshi bongo drums on the roof in the moonlight and much watermelon and wishing on stars that this stellar weather would never vanish into vast desertness but would stay forever free from dust and dreadful dirt that rains mud but keeps all cool for our continuous cooking marathon for fifty guys who are grateful for real food and movies in their language and in movies I can see caves and snottites and slimy glow worms with wet silk and hundreds of feet of feces in caverns large enough to fly a jet plane through in Borneo bringing bugs and bats and beautiful cave crystals created to be beauty and me one more night out laughing and Living the Dream.

Notification.... vote for me.

Hey! I'm in a contest for blogs of little readership and small renown. Kind of fun!

YOU ARE A BEST OF BLOG FINALIST!!! Congrats on making it to the final round and remember to tell everyone you know to head on over to www.thebestofblogs.com to vote for your site. Oh and don't forget to enter our Exclusive Lijit Contest for another chance to win some fantastic prizes. Winners will be announced June 2nd so gather up your faithful followers and tell them you want to be one of this year's Best Of Blogs!

Bill Beck
Project Mgr.
www.thebestofblogs.com

What!!!!???

So I'm sitting here and there are 150 Bangladeshi men on the roof. I don't live in Bangladesh or anywhere near Bangladesh. Yet, there they are. They are having a magic show and some singing I think. I'm not going up there... too many men... aiba.

I'm so tired.

Zzzzz.....

গণপ্রজাতন্ত্রী বাংলাদেশ

I've been learning a bit about people from Bangladesh lately. There are many men here from that country involved in some sort of worker trafficking that often ends up more like slavery than a working abroad project. It has brought many groups of people together and God is working among us and them for better conditions physically and spiritually. What an amazing thing! Who is this God of ours that takes people who have been sent miles away from their homes and have suffered terrible things and uses it so that they find truth and can become truly whole? This is a redeeming God, who turns trials into gold.

A Little Piece of My Local News

Soma Newspaper---at the Chaikhana (tea-house)

On the back page of every paper, these two men have a chat about...well, everything. Their conversation rambles and jumps and rabbit-trails, never to return. But sometimes they really nail a concept or the cause behind something that everyone complains about. Here's part of one...
read the whole bit here.

JWAMER
Come on Bayiz who am I to give advice to those professional people!

BAYIZ
But I have seen school children giving advice to the government.

JWAMER
School children are advising the government?

BAYIZ
Yes and so many times.

JWAMER
Oh my God, why?

BAYIZ
Don’t ask me, ask democracy. Sorry, sorry, I think its real name is chaos.

JWAMER
Bayiz do you have a handkerchief?

BAYIZ
Yes, but it is dirty. Why?

JWAMER
I want to cry, we must all cry, cry for converting the ideal of democracy into a chaotic situation.

BAYIZ
I have no objection. I will cry with you, but it is not only us that should take responsibility. Others are responsible, too.

JWAMER
Do you mean our kind neighbors?

BAYIZ
Definitely not. I mean those who liberated Iraq. They brought us the food but they didn’t teach us how to eat it.

JWAMER
Don’t simplify the matter Bayiz, it is a multi-faceted one. But the bulk of the responsibility falls upon us. We failed in all the exams, let us cry.

BAYIZ
I hate exaggeration but since you insist on crying take the handkerchief. Here it is.

The Wierd Things I Do

So I turned off the lights last night as I brushed my hair. I know, I know... you all think I'm crazy. Maybe I am, but not for this... The dryness of the air created a lot of static electricity. I first noticed as my hairbrush shocked my head... ouch. But then I remembered that the static electricity does more than just make my head hurt and my hair stand out from my head. So I turned off the lights and had my own fireworks show. Pretty cool.

Rather Wordless...

A dilemma and a request

I have recently been a part of a conversation (or actually, I just listened) concerning the passage in 1Timothy 2:11-15. I know that I have distinct views on this. I also know that I approach Scripture in a certain way that only allows for a limited interpretation of most things. My first request is that you send me your thoughts on this passage.

My second request is caused by the situation behind the first request. In that conversation many other topics came up that I saw as far more important than the issue of women and yet I still disagreed with many who were there. I am a young woman... in a general conversation on a Biblical issue with older Christians how should I be? Part of me hesitates to contradict those who are older and have more experience than myself--after all, what if I am wrong? But I don't think I am wrong. I don't see how I could be wrong in light of Scripture. What then should I do? Should I approach these people? Should I ask them to clarify? Should I rebuke them (I don't feel that I could!)?

Thanks for your prayers.

My Life as a Medieval Fairy Tale

Once upon a time there was an ordinary girl. She was an ordinary school teacher drudge, but was sent on a quest across the seas to a far land where the people spoke different, looked different, and acted different. She encountered many adventures among those people but one day she went on a special mission.

After navigating a maze of roads with two trusty companions she found herself behind security lines having slipped (well, walked) through some guard posts with hardly a notice. (Yes, the companions were patted down--being men and all.) Covertly standing in line (just trying to blend in, you see) the girl and her friends made it a bit further before a violent struggle (okay, so no struggle at all) and some blood was drawn.

Escaping from there, the girl and one of her companions held cotton to the inside of their elbows and went off to scavange for some nourishment which was purchased from some kindly people nearby who had some extra food for the travelers (they ran a restaurant). During the consumption of the meal the group was notified of a princess who was locked in a porcelain room.

They rushed to her rescue and one of the most experienced companions opened the door with the secret and magical key (screwdriver) to release the princess who was quite shaken at her captivity. The young lady gave gracious thanks and the heroes returned back to the place of their origin in the educational facility which was their cover for all surreptitious activities like rescuing small princesses from rooms where the door handle has fallen off.

What an amazing day!

Random Event...

So... on an ordinary day...things like this happen. We were driving down the road and stopped at an intersection. A man on the street yelled out... "Hi! Bye! I love you!"

I think he must have been learning his English from the soap operas. Ugh...the things I suffer.

Play Practice

So, I've been working on this play with my sixth graders. My sister and I wrote a 35 minute version of "The Hobbit" over Christmas break and now I am twisting my students into performing in the next couple of days. Costuming is a foreign concept and so is set building. Directing a play is stressful. But, they seem to be having a great time and are really well behaved about it all. Below you see my three trolls (the hat will not be included!) and Bilbo sneaking up on them. This is just a rehearsal.

From Back in the States...

So, because we eat no pork here in the ME, we take extra special pleasure in the sausage and stuff we get back in the States. And we also enjoy laughing about the wierd things we like to eat.

The Bazaar...bizarre...

On Death...

A kiss...

One of my friends here recently wrote on kissing in the Middle East. It is full of social norms, expectations, and confusing meanings. But suffice to say, I have weathered it decently since it is gender restricted.

Last night, we had several men from Bangladesh come to an movie event put on by a small group of internationals here. They made me nervous at first--all men make me nervous when I am in the ME. Even when I go home to the States, men make me nervous. It is all the staring and leering. But me and my other single female friend did our best to make them feel welcome without being forward. I usually go by my intuition and they didn't scare me. But after the movie, as they were leaving, they each went out of their way to shake my hand. And one of them (I can neither remember nor pronounce their names), took my hand in both of his and kissed it. It was full of thanks and appreciation. I was touched; I felt like a princess; I had been a part of blessing someone and they appreciated it.

There have been many kisses in the world. I am reminded of the lines in the Princess Bride about kisses that left all others behind. This wasn't that kind of kiss, but the contrast between this kiss and another historical kiss hit me hard. Nearly 2000 years ago, another man was kissed, but it was a kiss of betrayal. Even though that man had done and would do more for his betrayer than could comprehended or deserved. And here I was, being appreciated for so little.

Why Me?

Sometimes I marvel at us women. At least I like to think that I am like most women. I can go out and have a lovely day, nary a trouble, nothing new springs up to torment me, and yet as it gets later, I am weepy! Why? you might ask. To tell the truth, I haven't the foggiest idea. I am happy doing what I do. I love my teammates; they are so wonderful and so much fun. I am happy. Why do I feel like crying! This is so irrational! I had a wonderful day today. But half an hour ago, I was almost in tears. For NO REASON! At least not a reason that I can think of. Maybe there is something going on in my subconcious? Feelings come upon me that I don't understand? Ha.

I laugh at myself. I suppose God made me this way for a reason. I must be patient through it.

From the mouth of a 10 year old boy...

"Guess what! Mom said I could start staying up later when I got hair in my armpits!"

Those Coloradans!

So my new teammate is from Colorado. She puts honey on her pizza crust. This is something I have never seen or experienced before. Who does that? Is it just people in Colorado? I am asking around... Let me know if you know.

Helplessness

A heart fretting
mood -fettering
utter dullness
sharp anguish, aching
shaking and sad
unsure and shattered

Trust, trust—the whisper…

speechles screeching
screaming struggle
drowning the pounding pulse
if only, if only—I, We, He, They—

Trust, trust—the whisper…

grieving unleashed
throat-catching chaos

Trust, trust—the whisper…

What can I do?

Trust, trust, trust, trust…

New Vocabulary

Over the last several weeks, my friends and I have been coming up with new words to represent things and feelings that don't exist in the United States. I am putting a few below.

• ahspeedbump (perhaps the most often used of our new vocabulary) means the feeling of when you are approaching a speed bump and you are going too fast and don't have time to slow down. [There are speedbumps everywhere.]
• mudding is the precipation of mud in the place of rain. While rain and snow do exist, the amount of dust blown up from the south sits over our city and then is joined with a little moisture which descends on everyone and everthing. Nearly every car in the city is the exact same shade of tan.
• archiumphl is the feeling of congestion in the throat and lungs when a combination of dust and illness attack.
• electrament is the feeling of novelty when the power goes out. This state of functioning wears off over time until one does not "miss a beat" or even pause during a conversation which is then continuing in the dark.
• visorate is the effect of seeing your breath in a room that experience would tell us is not actually cold enough. It undoubtedly has something to do with humidity, but an interesting phenomenon all the same.

There are some concepts that we have yet to invent words for. As an example, the feeling of taking a shower with cold water and yet the shower still gets steamy (it isn't actually that hot yet, but I experienced it before). Another one along the same track is when you put on your clothes and they feel like they came out of the dryer although they really just came out of your closet. If you have any suggestions, please comment.

A Poet I Recently Discovered

THE OLD MAID

I SAW her in a Broadway car,
The woman I might grow to be;
I felt my lover look at her
And then turn suddenly to me.

Her hair was dull and drew no light
And yet its color was as mine;
Her eyes were strangely like my eyes
Tho' love had never made them shine.

Her body was a thing grown thin,
Hungry for love that never came;
Her soul was frozen in the dark
Unwarmed forever by love's flame.

I felt my lover look at her
And then turn suddenly to me,--
His eyes were magic to defy
The woman I shall never be.

--Sara Teasdale 1916