The Grand Attempt

As I have been sitting here in my very favorite coffee shop, I have been distracted by many things as I try not to try not to write my very large paper that is due tomorrow. These are just a few of my distractions:

1. The idea that just as people leave their legal cares in the hands of their lawyers and stop worrying about them (making the legal advisor the one who worries) we ought to "cast our cares upon the Lord."

2. The idea that when God tells us that he will take care of all of our clothing needs, it means he will provide the clothing for wherever he calls us, not just our own cultural needs.

3. The joy of children's giggles.

4. The smell of permanent black marker wafting from the upstairs where there are many boxes of books on their way to being shipped.

5. This blog.

6. The meeting that I have at 6:00... or is it at 6:30?

7. The other meeting at 8:00.

8. The other paper which I have to print off.

9. All the sources I used for this paper that I am avoiding and for which I must write a bibliography.

10. The neat books all over the walls in here.

In fact, the more I think about what I have been distracted by, the more I am distracted and the more I think about other things that I could be distracted by. Scary!

French Horn Guy (Wacko)

This made me laugh!

Pachelbel's Canon

The Hemp Fest

Every spring there is as festival called Hemp Fest and I have gone to every year, being a native of this town. For some odd reason it makes me happy. I don't smoke marijuana and I don't buy tie-dye, but I feel giddy every time I go there. The beads and glass are pretty and the people are wierd. They all dress in all natural hemp, cotton and natural dyes. People wear lei's made of plastic marijuana leaves and talk about all the things that hemp was used for. There are two large busses that come every year. Pink Floyd and the double-decker purple one.

I am a Laptop.

I recently acquired a laptop through the generosity of my grandparents for my University graduation. And something in my behavior has intrigued me. I am very protective. I know how much this is worth and how much of a benefit it is to me and what I need to do. It is a great blessing. I am so carful about not leaving it places it will get hurt or stolen. I know its worth to me. It reminded me of a verse from the Bible.

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have; for he has said, "I will never fail you nor forsake you." Hence we can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid; what can man do to me?"–Hebrews 13:5-6 RSV (my bolding)

And the part that really stuck out to me is that part about God never leaving us. He values us (obviously more than I value my computer) in such a way that he will never leave us just laying around. And unlike me, who could accidentally do something stupid and lose my laptop, God is not careless enough to forget where he put me or leave me on the sidewalk. God will pay attention to what I need and protect me, in a like manner to the way I take care of my laptop. I only had to pay money to get my laptop, money I didn’t even earn. Christ paid his life for us and he promises not to leave us or be careless. That is something we can put faith in.

Training.

Are you weak? Weary? Confused? Troubled? Pressured?
How is your relationship with God? Is it held in its place of priority?
I believe the greater the pressure,
the greater your need for time alone with Him.
Kay Arthur

I was talking with a friend yesterday about how she was stressed and somehow when we are stressed we do the opposite thing of what we should do, which is draw near to God. Somehow it seems that what we need most is more time in the Word and more time talking with God, but instead we spend less time with our dearest Friend.


I was reminded of another thing I was told the day before that. When riding a horse (so I am told) the signals to go faster is to lean forward and squeeze tighter. To slow down lean back and relax. Now, when a horse starts going faster of its own accord, an untrained rider's first reaction is to grip on and lean over. I can fully understand that thought! But instead that is the opposite of what needs to happen. That will only make the horse go faster.


What hope is there, then? We need to train ourselved to react to trouble and stress in the right way. Just the same way a rider trains himself to respond to the horse and control the horse, we need to train ourselves to turn to God in stress. That means realizing where you are and choosing to make the right choice even when it doesn't come as your first response. The rider in training has to make a concious choice to not grip onto the horse in contrast to the rising panic that says "hold on!" Seek and find. Knock and it will be opened. Ask and it will be given. Train and receive.

The Weapon of Prayer by Amy Carmichael

"Oh, Amma! Amma! Do not pray! Your prayers are, troubling me!" We all looked up in astonishment. We had just had our Band Prayer Meeting, when a woman came rushing into the room and began to exclaim like this. She was the mother of one of our girls, of whom I told you once before. She is still in the Terrible's den. Now the mother (A devout Hindu) was all excitement and poured out a curious story.

"When you went away last year I prayed. I prayed and prayed, and prayed again to my god to dispel your work. My daughter's heart was impressed with your words. I cried to my god to wash the words out. Has he washed them out? Oh no! And I prayed for a bridegroom for my daughter, and one came; and the cart was ready to take her away, and a hindrance occurred; the marriage fell through. And I wept till my eyes well-nigh dissolved. And again another bridegroom came, and again an obstacle occurred. And yet again did a bridegroom come, and yet again an obstacle; and I cannot get my daughter married, and the neighbors mock, and my Caste is disgraced" - and the poor old mother cried, just sobbed in her shame and confusion of face. "Then I went to my god again and said, 'What more can I offer you? Have I not given you all I have? And you reject my prayer!' Then in a dream my (demon) god appeared, and he said, 'Tell the Christians not to pray, I can do nothing against their prayers. Their prayers are hindering me!' And so, I beseech you, stop your prayers for fourteen days - only fourteen days - till I get my daughter married !" "And after she is married?" We asked. "Oh, then she may freely follow your God! I will hinder her no more!" Poor old mother! All lies are allowed where such things are concerned. We knew the proposed bridegroom came from a place three hundred miles away, and the idea was to carry the poor girl off by force as soon as she was married. We have been praying night and day to God to hinder this. And He is hindering!

Reference used - "Things As They Are" by Amy Carmichael

God Wants Lovers

"You will, I believe and trust, become more and more in love with a crucified Savior. He wants lovers. Oh how tepid is the love of so many who call themselves by His name. How tepid our own--my own--in comparison with the lava fires of His eternal love. I pray that you may be an ardent lover, the kind of lover who sets others on fire."

Amy Carmichael--"Candles in the Dark"

Reputation

Amy Carmichael once wrote that God was asking her new questions: "May I deal with every shred of your reputation just I choose, and will you be silent? Are you willing to obey in everything, every time, everywhere?" This same question He asks of me. My reputation, it is a thing I hold precious. Most people admire me and like me, if only from a distance. I am not known as a flirt or chaser of boys. These things I hold as part of my identity. But my identity should not sway with public opinion or even my family's opionion. I know that there are doubts on their part and a few others about whether I am completely sane or wise. Perhaps I should not trust the omnipotent Most High God as much as I do? Is the Lord's arm too short? (Numbers 11)

I loved the great encouragement I received from a friend when the issue of my future safety came up. He said, "There is nowhere saver than in the center of God's will." He was right. I am safer in God's will in "dangerous" country than out of God's will in a "safe" one. "What matter the beating wind and tossing billow if only we are in the boat with Thee?" I will not let the words of doubt defeat me, nor will I lose heart. My God is my rock and my strong foundation. All that matters is how He knows me.

January 2006

Oh Yeah!

In an attempt to do everything to the glory of God I have decided to procrastinate to the best of my ability. (Does that count?) Anyway, the homework is only homework, and I could fail all but four credits and graduate with a decent GPA.

I talked to some people with the group I am going to work with and they have a place for me to live in the fall and so I am going to get to go and I won't have to wait until spring and I am so excited! I am so thrilled that that last sentence was rather run-on. Scary! Next week I will get the budget written out for me and the subjects I will teach. Through all that I will get my support letter figured out and mail it to every person I know. I will spend June in Nashville and then be back here in Idaho for my friend's wedding (I'm in it.) in July. Then off to the Middle East! Wow. Wow. Wow. I can hardly believe it!

Please pray for my sanity, my support raising, and all the women I will leave behind (that they will have counselors to come and take my place). Also, my mom is starting to get nervous the more real and more soon this whole move is going to take place.

A new posting...

I keep telling myself that I have to write a new post, but I don't have any ideas to write about that are shallow and I don't have time to write about anything deep. I have spent my time working, talking, studying, reading, having people over for dinner, teaching, setting up a new e-mail account, writing a support letter, and suffering from the time change. My biggest frustrations with lack of time (although it isn't that I haven't been enjoying myself) are that I don't have time to study Kurdish and I don't have as much time as I would like to pray. There are so many women I pray for and I feel like I ought to give them so much more than I do. And combine all this with a bursting enthusiasm for graduation, ministry, and all the amazing things God has been teaching through His word and my studies of Eastern culture. Wow...

From Blue-Eyed Stranger

"But I will defend kissing. Fiercely. I will also defend fierce kissing."

The picture that goes with this is umm... I don't know, it makes me smile.It also makes me think of my roommate Katie... but that is story that probably has nothing to do with what you are imagining it does.

Having Gone to a Talk to get Extra Credit for Class...

I have always been a sucker for extra credit. There is always that lurking hope that if I do extra credit now, then I have the ability and licence to slack off later. My overacheiver fights my lazier side and I do the extra work so that I can feel better about my general procrastinations. Anyway, this chance was too good to pass up as I could write one paper and turn it in to two different teachers and get extra credit in both classes. And, I had read a book by this guy and actually enjoyed it. Anyway, here follows my take on the talk.

I am in a room with many many people. The sound of clapping is even and strong like the echoes of a steady hail in the metal gymnasium from high school. People stand at the edges of the room filled to the full extent of the fire code. Every seat is full, except one I see up near the front next to a lady who must be saving it for someone. But although these people are far more exciting than the long list of people being recognized for their participation in this symposium, they are not the focus of the evening. No, we are discussing the world's population and resources and collapse.

The speaker, Dr. Jared Diamond, sits at the edge of the stage. His introducer claims Dr. Diamond's fame and acheivements, which I don't doubt. But I wonder if this smiling bearded man, who is still yet a man, can really be worth so much as the seemingly incredible fee and enormous hype. If we ever get to hear him, perhaps I will have a chance to decide. Is this man's mind so truly brilliant? I read a book by him, and it was good. It addressed the broad picture of the world which was fascinating. But he is yet a man. His record is that of a man. He has been blessed by God, certainly, with intellect, intelligence, and witty journal and book titles. Since he has published so many it is good that they are witty. His work "will stand for at least thirty years" the introducer says. Great, I say. But is thirty years enough? I want to have an impact that affects hundreds of years from now, even eternity. I don't care if they remember my name so much as my God is instilled in their hearts and they learn His love. I want to fellowship with them in eternity. I wonder if Dr. Diamond will be "forever".

He begins well, connecting to his audience with fluid speech, uncluttered with fillers like "umm" and "uhh". His brown suit fits his academic persona. He speaks of collapse. It began as a love for the romantic mysteries of failed civilizations. He, along with humanity, is captured by the stories of grand peoples of the past and their clouded demise. We are a species of storytellers and storylovers.

With the collapse there is paired the hope of some success stories and both have lessons to teach the growing global world. Human impact on the world's environment, continuous global climate change, enemies, friends, and internal social framework all play integral parts in the courses of nations. These will be the reasons a civilization collapses. Determining which one was the actual cause could be difficult, nearly impossible, but that doesn't mean that there are not still lessons to be learned.
Dr. Diamond goes through a series of peoples: some failures, some successes. Easter Island was deforested which led to starvation, war, and cannibalism. The island has ironic name for such a death. Easter is a time of rebirth and resurrection. Japan and the Takegawa Era properly cared for their environment and balanced their use and production and have survived without collapse. Environment has importance in the survival of nations.

The world's population is still expanding. Many elites and even the United States are isolated from several of the world's largest problems. A country's collapse in the global world today would not be an isolated event, it would affect the world, especially if it were a large and powerful country. Dr. Diamond has hope however, despite the facts that there are more and more people and more and more destructive technologies, there is the hope that we can learn from past societies and from societies around the world today. We can learn to avoid collapse. Education is the solution. It reminds me of the push for public schools in American history and how for so many, for so long, education was seen as the solution for morality. If people only learned what was nice and what wasn't nice they would do good. But not only is that not enough, it doesn't even work.

Dr. Diamond brings up the Core Values of consumerism and isolationism and how they won't work in our global society. He brought up the fact that we need to invest ourselves in countries for long term. It brought to mind work in Iraq. Then he mentioned Iraq. That country haunts me like a strange smell: alluring, terrifying, beautiful, captivating, and so many other things.

In answering questions, he is smooth, tactful, vague, the essential patriotic with the message to vote. It is all very nice, even pleasant to everyone. And yet, one wonders if there isn't something grander in the world than a simple striving to save the planet. What are we saving the planet for? It is no surprise to me that the world will end someday, but it is not my intention to destroy the planet for my own diabolical plans. Instead, there should be something more, a purpose hidden somewhere in all that agenda.

And then he ends, far too early, far to short, having skimmed the surface of subjects that must be far deeper and far more interesting than the superficial overview in his presentation. What was that for? Why come for a slight taste and overview when there is so much more grander and deeper in his mind that was left untouched? I wish he had spoken more fully or deeper or more somehow. I am left with the frustration of having been told something I felt I knew already but that there still resides something more that I don't know, which he didn't talk about, but could have. Ahh, the grief of lost potential.


His talk was too short. His talk was too superficial. I have not yet decided if the above text will actually be the text I turn in to my teachers. However, I did get to see some of my friends, and yes, I will get extra credit.

This had me laughing... so random.

An article that was linked to Tankard of Tea about relativism.

Be Counted Worthy

Lately I have been thinking about worth. As humans we see worth in a completely different way than God does. As Americans we see worth as something different than the way most of the world does. Americans want the most gain for as little work as possible, even if that gain is not absolutely needed. And anything that requires a lot of work can obviously be done without—because, after all, who wants to do the work?

But God was willing to die for a rebellious and sinful world. We were not “worth” the price. His value far outweighs the value of the people he died to save, you and me.

But through his death he gave us the power “to life a life worthy of the calling you received.” (Eph 4:1) How is this done? “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”

When we approach things in life how do we decide if something is “worth” the effort? Is our value system intrinsically flawed? We want and expect results that match our effort and we want them close after that effort. But really most of life doesn’t work this way, and I am convinced that God’s kingdom doesn’t work this way either. He does things in a sort of upside-down and backwards way than we most often expect. He picks the younger son. He spends time with the woman who had been bleeding for 12 years as the high-level official’s daughter died. He eats with the poor and the rich, and allowing the prostitute to wipe his feet with her hair during a dinner with a prominent Pharisee. He picked his disciples, not from the elite scholars, as was the custom for rabbis, but from the working classes, men who fished and collected taxes and sweated for their food.

Are we willing to work for those results we cannot see? What if we don’t even know if they exist? Are we willing to work and put effort into something that we cannot readily see the worth? Do we base our worth on visible results? (“Man does not comprehend its worth; it cannot be found in the land of the living.” Job 28:13)

God bases our worth on what he was willing to pay for us—which is a lot, his son’s life. We too should base our worth on that same thing. Are we willing to trust God for the worth of the work he asks us to do here on earth even if we can’t see the results of our labor? Even if others question the worth of our labor? We ought to trust him even at the cost of our reputation among others. We ought to trust him even when we can’t see the effect of long hours or even years of work and prayer. Maybe here on earth we won’t see the fruit. But there is always heaven.

Happy Break!

Hello! :) Smile! It is Spring Break!

Isn't that shallow of us?

We will smile because of something so regular (and yes a blessing) like Spring Break, but we live every day of
our lives, so often not smiling even though our lover died for us. And then, even then, we don't have to live in
grief, because HE rose from the dead and conquered all that holds us in bondage.

As I read about so many of our sisters in bondage in countries all over the world, and even here in this country,
I am cut to the core. This is a bondage to fear, to grief, to lonlieness. Their concerns are the same as ours:
family, guys, money, self-image; except they have no hope of victory.

And here we are, with victory assured and we do not smile and share that victory with others.

Please pray for joy among the believers, both men and women, and pray that God will do great things among
the hearts of women and men overseas. God's heart yearns for them.

So I realize it has been a while...

I realized that it has been a long time since I actually wrote anything for this blog. My business has been hard but so much fun. So, an update for anyone keeping track: I went to Nashville this past weekend and met an amazing group of people. They were people who made me feel young and inexperienced which was humbling, but at the same time so awesome because I feel like I can learn a lot from them. They have incredible patience and kind and generous hearts. They know the difficulties and that God is the only real reward. I was so blessed and encouraged and I have so enjoyed telling people what I learned while I was over there. I even had a chance to talk to some Christians on the airplanes and one guy named Trevor who works with the Gideons was a great blessing. For those of you that pray... I would appreciate prayer concerning the timing of things and that we could find some other women who have a heart to teach and love on women and kids. I do not want to be alone, but I will go alone if that is what God has for me. He has promised not to leave me desolate. In truth I am never alone.

The people of Kurdistan have grown on my heart since I first heard some people speak about the teaching work going on there in November. The teachers at the schools I would teach at are young single women who have not been taught in the way they are being taught to do now. There are lots of kids there and the school will only continue to grow as it adds a grade each year. I am so excited to have a hand in whatever God wants me to do and feel so blessed that I will get to have a part in the beginning of this rising nation. These kids will make all the difference in their country.

Singled Out for Good

Stolen from Deborah's blog's link to skycowbooks? Anyway, this is an awesome article for single women or anyone else I suppose. I agree with a lot of her points.

check it out!

Another wacky suvey...

Although... this one one may be more beneficial and applicable version.

here