Litany of Humilty

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart,  
Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, 
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved,  
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled, 
Deliver me, Jesus. 
From the desire of being honored,  
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being praised,  
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others,  
Deliver me, Jesus. 
From the desire of being consulted, 
Deliver me, Jesus. 
From the desire of being approved,  

Deliver me, Jesus. 

 

From the fear of being humiliated, 
Deliver me, Jesus. 
From the fear of being despised,  
Deliver me, Jesus. 
From the fear of suffering rebukes,  
Deliver me, Jesus. 
From the fear of being calumniated,  
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being forgotten,  
Deliver me, Jesus. 
From the fear of being ridiculed,  
Deliver me, Jesus. 
From the fear of being wronged,  
Deliver me, Jesus. 
From the fear of being suspected,  
Deliver me, Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I, 
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. 
That others may be esteemed more than I,  
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. 
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease,  
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. 
That others may be chosen and I set aside, 

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be praised and I unnoticed,  
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. 
That others may be preferred to me in everything,  
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. 
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

My Heart for You...

I gave my students a task.

I hoped that this task would grow their hearts on Valentines day.

We talked about what it means to be thankful and how we can be thankful for so many things, even the hard things.

So, each one wrote lists. And these lists were more than being thankful for the ones they loved, but also thankful for the details they loved.

And we wrote and cut and taped and created a masterpiece in the hallway. The students were excited to share their new found joy and love with the rest of the school. 

 And I told them that this is my heart for you all...

that you would be thankful for what you have been given.

What is your heart for the people you love?

539. Rusty pictures
540. Our red heater
541. My leather purse
542. The school bag my mother and sister made for me
543. A sweet birthday note from my father
545. Little L's typed birthday note that called me sweet teacher
546. Hundreds of Valentine pictures
547. Grains and eating them
548. Time to exercise in the morning
549. Prayer room
550. New fabric for a traditional dress
551. Fresh strawberries
552. Deep heart hurting talks
553. Abandonment and being ignored
554. Glued things--shoe, bracelet, travel mug
555. How broken things remind me of the war
556. Contrite spirits in my students
557. Snow falling in big fluffy flakes
558. Thankful kids

Barbed Wire

After reading a post over at Scribing the Journey I was inspired to think more about the barbed wire I see. I think people expect that I see a lot of barbed wire. And, well, I do. But after 5 years, I've kind of stopped noticing it. So, I decided to look at it a little closer. I wasn't inspired. It's swirly sometimes, rusty often, and if God was speaking to me through it, I didn't hear.

See? Barbed wire.

But that thought led me to something else. My fifth graders have been asking me a lot of questions about how God talks to me and how I know what He wants me to do. And they want to know if He will speak to them if they ask Him to. My answer is always that God will reveal himself, but most likely not in the way you expect Him to. So look in the unexpected places and keep your eyes open all the time. All of creation is God's spoken word to us.

So wait, does that mean that God is speaking to me through the barbed wire after all?

What I Saw on My Walk Home...

The Day I Left My Camera at the House

I went for a walk today and saw so many things I wished that I had been able to capture and share and even remember. I felt like my meditative Eeyore feelings helped things pop out--like the red rust encrusted tricycle laying in overgrown grass. Ok, maybe they weren't all beautiful things exactly... but I enjoyed them.

I enjoyed the details of the patterns of silver paint and rust along the sides of the poles that line the street.

My lack of enthusiasm fit neatly into a loop of curling barbed wire that neatly framed the snowy mountains beyond.

The gang graphiti and painted on advertisements gave me a chance to practice my language and reading skills.

I passed the old white haired man who walked with the swinging gait of a severe limp. And two boys stared at my face trying to figure out where this pale, bundled and fully hatted person might be from.

A dark faced man from Africa, probably, was hosing down vast expanses of shiny black tile, threatening the lives of every person to walk into the grocery store for the next half hour.

The metal work shop was closed, the metal gate locked. And the pavement was spotted with grease stains where the cars from the nearby auto repair shop had been parked waiting their turns.

The stacks of cinder blocks about to be used for building projects create roadblocks of different sizes, and the long narrow hills of rusted rebar also speak to ongoing construction.

The candy wrappers, beer cans, the dust, the bits of broken glass, and the spiny bushes weave themselves in and out of the chain-link fence and across the red brick sidewalk.

This is life... this is a walk.

And my thanks... continuing.

520. Being able to get our propane heater to light
521. Watching TV shows with my room mate
522. S being happy with me turning in my tests and grades
523. Little boys running and screaming in the street (happily!)
524. T's jokes on the Skype call
525. Evening sunshine glory
526. J's return and his glowing at being back
527. New book to read and cozy up in for the day
528. Gematria
529. Polar Bear desktop
530. A clean hawsha
531. Strawberries in the market
532. New 75 watt lightbulbs in the kitchen
533. Lightning flashes and deep thunder
534. A whole day alone, quiet, getting work done
535. E's highlights and A's gray hairs
536. The smoothness of my kindle
537. The radiance that comes from young men set free in God
538. Worn and loved books returned

Burger Fuel

      Last night I had a totally new experience for our city. It was a really good restaurant burger. See, a new chain, called Burger Fuel opened up from New Zealand. It's awesome! The beef tasted like actual beef (I guess it's all imported), not like sheep or something that has spent its whole life eating trash.  Hooray for Burger Fuel!

Image snagged from the Burger Fuel Website

I rarely go out to eat here, partly because cooking at home is cheaper, but mostly because of the food at restaurants out. It's usually not very healthy, not very good, and sometimes will even make you physically ill. But this place was in tip top form. Ok, so it's also not the healthiest food on the planet, but this chain is more careful than McDonalds about what it serves.

A very accurate advertisement from Burger Fuel!

The other really neat thing about our dining experience there was the service. Now, customer service is not a big thing here. Most waiters in restaurants sit around watching TV, smoking, and drinking tea. But these guys worked hard, literally ran to get the door when people entered or exited, and asked us if we wanted the heat turned up after we sat down. How cool is that?!

So, a group of us girls had a good night out and ate amazing food that we have missed while living here. Thanks to Burger Fuel for opening a new branch out here!

Elegy to the Tomato Plant

I finally pulled up all my dead plants yesterday and it reminded me of this photo from about a month ago. It's mid-January and one of the plants wasn't wholly dead. It was a three foot straggle of brown vine with two small branches near the end that were still green. No tomatoes were on it, but it was preparing to bloom again, six small buds ready to produce a couple more tomatoes the size of air-soft pellets. I pulled up the plant anyway. It was making a mess of our front porch. I did feel a little guilty; after all, it had hung on all this time. But practicality and the desire not to have feelings for something without a soul pushed me on and now it's well buried in the tall red trash can downstairs. It was a valiant little plant and it managed to produce these four dainty tomatoes before it's final demise. I'm not growing tomatoes again. The pain of their struggle against the elements is just too much.

Returning

In the last month I've returned to America, returned to family, returned to the Middle East, returned to my students, and now I'm returning to my blog. It's an amazing concept: "returning". There are so many things in life that we go back to again and again. Sometimes it is like the dog returning to his vomit as we return to our sins. But I find that more often I go back again and again to the good things I love. I return to family because I love them and love spending time with them. I return to my students because of my love for them and God's love for them as well. How blessed I am to have people whom I love and who love me to see and enjoy no matter which way I turn.

I've not posted my thankful list in a long long time, so I'm posting some now...
499. A visit from Kay, Lisa, and Dave
500. Ericka Corban and her latest CD
501. Sleep when it is sorely needed
502. Power outage quietness
503. Daily front window sunset
504. Laptop computer warmth
505. Phantom prism rainbows
506. Wine delivery
507. Productive grading times
508. Giant gifted sunglasses
509. Not needing the heater because of my awesome blankets
510. A Christian Thanksgiving 
511. Having e-mailed in my first two sets of grades
512. Reading a book that is really good that I had read so long ago that I had forgotten about it
513. The gas truck song
514. The mullah's call to  prayer
515. My phone ringing
516. Early morning energy
517. Surging warm love for my  kids
518. Farkle games and laughter
519. My new brown sweater a spontaneous gift off my friend's back

It's a Small Small World

There are some days when the world just seems to contract. Today I want to write poetry about it, but I can't somehow. I don't know if the smallness of the world is created by my getting older, or by my travel around the world, or something else. It is partly created by the internet. When one blog quotes someone from your hometown and and you "virtually" meet someone on facebook who just had dinner with your parents half a world away, it's hard to keep straight which world I actually live in. The two (or three) very distinct worlds have begun to blur. My students read books from my hometown authors and blogger authors in part because I have brought those books here, but also because of something else. This something else is the REAL reason the world feels small...

The body of Christ is all connected. Whether on this continent, or the next one over, or across a vast ocean, God's church is all knit together. We are, after all, one body. So, when all this small worldness seems strange, I only need to remind myself that it is a wonderful and supernatural thing in the world and begin to revel. So today, I revel in the day of small things... small worlds... worlds where the lips work together to smile, where the two hands clap together in praise.

469. Checking twitter more often to see my students update their thankful lists
470. A spinning glass with butterflies in orange
471. Coming home to a good dinner cooked by Molly
472. Teresa's house all decorated for fall
473. The smell of a curling iron heating in the cool morning air
474. Having a weekend  to rest and recover from illness
475. Crazy hair day and mismatch day at school
476. Words of life written on a student's page
477. Giving books away to people who will love them and read them
478. Eager faces earning prizes
479. Free meat from the neighbors--being reminded of sacrifice and what it really looks like: death
480. Beautiful Persian rugs
481. Not being in a war  zone
482. Frank Sinatra and Swing Music
483. Days full of cooking
484. Clean Ikea down comforter gift in the second-hand bazaar
485.Whole wheat flour and oatmeal in large quantities
486. Hospitality and love  from friends with coffee and pumpkin scones
487. Laundry smells
488. Reading aloud with the power off
489. Good friends visiting
490. Late nights chatting
491. Amazing Grace sung by a small group of Muslim and Christian students in harmony together
492. Prayers for breakthrough
493. Honesty that is convicting
494. Being uninvited from a party at the last minute
495. Super slow internet
496. Peppery beef stew
497. Time to fold laundry
498. Forgetting how to spell "laundry"

Free Meat Day

This is the day where we, here in the Middle East, relive the Old Testament days and receive a black plastic back with random chunks of meat and bone. The holiday is called The Feast of Korban, literally feast of sacrifice. Some of our neighbors sacrificed something (a cow? maybe a sheep?) and drove around the neighborhood doling it out to everyone who answered their doorbell.

Everyone is Someone Else

Last weekend we had a costume party with the high school students. The costumes were lots of fun and the teachers who came were really into it as well. I think all the students had a good time and everyone was able to relax and laugh.

 

Doctor and Patient

 

The Little Bee is attacked and then rescued.

 

Jack Sparrow and a random pirate lady (me)

 Our local military contingent

 Dancing was the main activity for the evening. 

 My dear photographer student-friend and another student

 This is what teachers do at parties

Obama even came to our party. 

This guy was the biggest surprise of the night for the students, 

a former teacher flew in for a week.

 Our very own punk rocker signs an autograph

Bruce Springsteen

 What set of pictures would be complete without Mr. P and food?

 I'm still not exactly sure what was going on here... but it looks cool.

Basketball

 

Girls basketball here is a bit of an adventure. There is such a wide range of talents and most girls have never played any organized sport at all. Fortunately, this year I haven't seen that we have and girls that duck when the ball is thrown at them. We all work hard and we all have a lot of fun. That's what I realized from the pictures I took the other day. They have a great time.

 

 

Maps of Greece!

This is one of my most recent projects. I made two wall maps of Greece for the 3rd grade classrooms. I may make some more (of other maps!) because I enjoyed the project so much.  I'm still an elementary kid at heart. I've never gotten tired of coloring in the lines!

O Giver... of good gifts...

O Giver of good gifts... thank you for the abundant graciousness you flood me with.

But God... some gifts are hard to handle at first...
                   Sometimes too wonderful to behold and overwhelming with joy they spill over
                   Sometimes hard, aching, uncomfortable... 

                                 where all I want to do is                   

                                                                       crawl in a corner

                                                                                             and hide 

                                                                                                   because one of my greatest fears is...  

                                                                                                                                           being a burden.

And I... forgetting that God is the carrier of my burdens,

                                                                                                         press on in my pride, 

                                                                                                                                                  oblivious.

             forgetting the cross and finding only my fear, 

                                                                                                    shut my eyes to pain and joy alike.
 

But God... through all my foolishness, forgetfulness, blind fear and failures...

                                                                                                                       

YOU ARE THERE...

                                                                             Giving and giving the good, again and again.


463. Sunrise through red-orange zinnia petals
464. Slow mornings alone with papers and books
465. Coffee brewing smell
466. Laughing hard over dying rabbit calls
467. Sweet baby smell on my hands
468. Young people beginning their own lists 

The Yes and the No

This morning I saw the sunbeams fan out from behind the mountains and kiss the clouds so that they blushed. And when I found this poem, it felt like maybe Cummings had seen it with me.

e.e. cummings poem

i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

It is unusual for me to like a cummings poem this well because as a teacher of lots of kids who speak English as a second language, I struggle to read anything with such poor capitalization skills without marking it all up with red pen.

But this poem captures a lot. I like the end of the first stanza where it says, "which is yes"... everything which is yes... Isn't everything "yes" in Christ? And then paired with the middle of the third stanza, "the no of all nothing". Isn't that where the "no's" come from? Nothing. C.S. Lewis writes in the "Screwtape Letters" that nothing is very powerful and that many people are led astray by merely doing nothing.

"The Christians describe the Enemy as one "without whom Nothing is strong". And Nothing is very strong: strong enough to steal away a man's best years not in sweet sins but in a dreary flickering of the mind over it knows not what and knows not why, in the gratification of curiosities so feeble that the man is only half aware of them, in drumming of fingers and kicking of heels, in whistling tunes that he does not like, or in the long, dim labyrinth of reveries that have not even lust or ambition to give them a relish, but which, once chance association has started them, the creature is too weak and fuddled to shake off." ~C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters, Letter #12

The battle against nothing is only hopeless to those who are without Screwtape's Enemy, God. But with God, we can have open ears and open eyes to see the great somethings that God has given us as gifts. How beautiful it is to see all the "yes's", to see all the birth, to see "the gay great happening illimitably earth".

Versatile? Really?

So, I was nominated for something! This has never happened to me before! I'm not sure what to do with it exactly. Fortunately for me, there are rules from a joyful mother, who nominated me. Thank you!

According to her, I have 2 responsibilities: writing 7 things about myself and tagging 15 blogs with this award. I hate feeling conned into these sorts of things. What if I don't visit 15 blogs? I'm not the really obsessive blogging world type. My face to face life is pretty important and a bit more attention needing than the blog world. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy blogs. But I am nowhere near a faithful follower of more than 6 or 7.



So first, 7 things about me.

1. I'm not sure that my blogging is versatile. I always think that a versatile piece of clothing is one that you can wear with lots of different outfits, or a versatile person is one who can perform a lot of different jobs. But what makes a versatile blog? One that you can read when you are in different moods? One that goes with your outfit? I don't know. Or wait... I suppose this actually means that I'm a versatile person who has a blog. Well... I don't know about that either. Now I'm confused.

2. My least favorite job may just be emptying the dishwasher. I don't know why. It only takes 5-10 minutes. How can I procrastinate so much on something that takes so little time? I admit that I'm ridiculous.

3. I really love coloring. I don't mean drawing... I can draw a few things ok, but nothing realistic. I like coloring inside the lines. I find it relaxing. In this same category I like cross stitching because it is so ruled and ordered and repetitive.

4. I've always been a little vain about my feet. In a family full of ugly feeted people, I have lovely feet. So, I try to take care of them well to keep them that way.

5. Pumpkins make me happy. EVERY YEAR! Not carved ones, just the ordinary orange shapes... and anything else fall-ish. I think Fall in America is my favorite season... followed closely by Winter in America and Spring in the Middle East.

6. Plants and animals also make me happy. Some people say that I take too much pleasure in taking care of things without souls. I disagree. Soul-less things are far less responsibility.

7. I like watching Star Trek re-runs. Next Generation is my favorite.

Now for the tagging. I won't manage 15. But I'm sure the blogging police won't chase me down and arrest me!

1. Dragonflies and Kingfishers
2. The Empty Nest
3. Blessed to Be a Blessing
4. Mariana
5. Rants, Raves, & Random Thoughts
6. Dancing with Dragons
7. Timmyjimi

That's all for now!

Sacrifice

You know, sometimes God asks us to give things up. They may even be good things. But I firmly believe that there is blessing in the sacrifice. I wouldn't sacrifice if I were my old self. But the old self is dead, and the decision to sacrifice came easily, although not without some sadness. I'm just waiting to see the amazing good that God brings out of it.

This week, Thankful for SO MANY THINGS!

442. A Surprise Wedding443. Time slowing with friends who are like family
444. Sunbreak joy
445. New dark brown bowls all smooth
446. The Yellow Tablecloth
447. Skype calls with old friends who use sports metaphors
448. 3rd grade portrait of myself
449. Braided playdough with marker spots that means love
450. Lanea and her learning to hug me from the front instead of sneaking up from the back all the time
451. Student eagerness to come to my home on a weekend
452. Sabbath day afternoon naps
453. Two wall maps of Greece for the classrooms
454. First sighting of fall pumpkins
455. Curried lentils
456. Sacrifice that God directs (because God will bring blessing!)
457. Student thankfulness lists
458. My teammate who is a noticeably more joyful and communicative person this year
459. Backrub machine on loan from a friend
460. A roommate willing to trade backrubs
461. Lunchtime conversations with students

Washington Fruit...

IN THE MIDDLE EAST! YAY!

Team Dinner

Every week we have dinner together as a team (those of us expat teachers at the school where I work). It's awesome. Tonight my housemate and I made breakfast for dinner: egg casserole, fruit salad, and muffins. We had a good time hanging out and fellowshipping together and got to hear about everyone's week and classes. There are so many wonderful things this week that I wasn't able to capture them all on my list, but here's a partial!

431. the smell of our fabric softener
432. Rereading a note from Ann Voskamp (I feel so blessed)
433. Molly making it back home
434. Morning time to be used well
435. Talking with Noor
436. Wall maps
437. BBC
438. Knowing people who make me feel safe
439. The first rain of the fall and the smell it makes in the dust (petrichor!)
440. Divine drawing of hearts
441. Sidesplitting stories