And he is before all
things, and in him all things hold together. --Colossians 1:17 ESV
There were some days in
the last few months where I was consciously aware of how my very existence
would cease without God's continuing presence. He was literally holding all things
together, especially me. I don't mean this in the way that I was being
emotionally held together or that the pieces of my circumstances were being
held together (although those things were held) but that I was more physically
being held together.
This is hard to explain.
It seemed that without God in those very moments I would die. I wasn't
contemplating suicide; I was on the verge of having all of the molecules of my
body fly apart of their own accord. I could feel it. Without God actively
holding me together I would cease to breathe, to live, to exist.
The interesting thing was
that in those moments while I didn't actually mind the idea of dying, I did
mind flying apart. I did mind ceasing to exist. Perhaps this is why so many
people who don't believe in an afterlife still fear death. Which is more
frightening? Heaven, hell, or just stopping?
So I would pray, and I
knew in those moments God held me together. I could feel his pull the way we
feel gravity when we jump up in the air. By feeling myself about to fly apart I
could also feel the opposing force holding me together. And Jesus won. I'm
still here. Jesus will continue to win, because he holds things together.
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