The Grand Attempt

As I have been sitting here in my very favorite coffee shop, I have been distracted by many things as I try not to try not to write my very large paper that is due tomorrow. These are just a few of my distractions:

1. The idea that just as people leave their legal cares in the hands of their lawyers and stop worrying about them (making the legal advisor the one who worries) we ought to "cast our cares upon the Lord."

2. The idea that when God tells us that he will take care of all of our clothing needs, it means he will provide the clothing for wherever he calls us, not just our own cultural needs.

3. The joy of children's giggles.

4. The smell of permanent black marker wafting from the upstairs where there are many boxes of books on their way to being shipped.

5. This blog.

6. The meeting that I have at 6:00... or is it at 6:30?

7. The other meeting at 8:00.

8. The other paper which I have to print off.

9. All the sources I used for this paper that I am avoiding and for which I must write a bibliography.

10. The neat books all over the walls in here.

In fact, the more I think about what I have been distracted by, the more I am distracted and the more I think about other things that I could be distracted by. Scary!

French Horn Guy (Wacko)

This made me laugh!

Pachelbel's Canon

The Hemp Fest

Every spring there is as festival called Hemp Fest and I have gone to every year, being a native of this town. For some odd reason it makes me happy. I don't smoke marijuana and I don't buy tie-dye, but I feel giddy every time I go there. The beads and glass are pretty and the people are wierd. They all dress in all natural hemp, cotton and natural dyes. People wear lei's made of plastic marijuana leaves and talk about all the things that hemp was used for. There are two large busses that come every year. Pink Floyd and the double-decker purple one.

I am a Laptop.

I recently acquired a laptop through the generosity of my grandparents for my University graduation. And something in my behavior has intrigued me. I am very protective. I know how much this is worth and how much of a benefit it is to me and what I need to do. It is a great blessing. I am so carful about not leaving it places it will get hurt or stolen. I know its worth to me. It reminded me of a verse from the Bible.

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have; for he has said, "I will never fail you nor forsake you." Hence we can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid; what can man do to me?"–Hebrews 13:5-6 RSV (my bolding)

And the part that really stuck out to me is that part about God never leaving us. He values us (obviously more than I value my computer) in such a way that he will never leave us just laying around. And unlike me, who could accidentally do something stupid and lose my laptop, God is not careless enough to forget where he put me or leave me on the sidewalk. God will pay attention to what I need and protect me, in a like manner to the way I take care of my laptop. I only had to pay money to get my laptop, money I didn’t even earn. Christ paid his life for us and he promises not to leave us or be careless. That is something we can put faith in.

Training.

Are you weak? Weary? Confused? Troubled? Pressured?
How is your relationship with God? Is it held in its place of priority?
I believe the greater the pressure,
the greater your need for time alone with Him.
Kay Arthur

I was talking with a friend yesterday about how she was stressed and somehow when we are stressed we do the opposite thing of what we should do, which is draw near to God. Somehow it seems that what we need most is more time in the Word and more time talking with God, but instead we spend less time with our dearest Friend.


I was reminded of another thing I was told the day before that. When riding a horse (so I am told) the signals to go faster is to lean forward and squeeze tighter. To slow down lean back and relax. Now, when a horse starts going faster of its own accord, an untrained rider's first reaction is to grip on and lean over. I can fully understand that thought! But instead that is the opposite of what needs to happen. That will only make the horse go faster.


What hope is there, then? We need to train ourselved to react to trouble and stress in the right way. Just the same way a rider trains himself to respond to the horse and control the horse, we need to train ourselves to turn to God in stress. That means realizing where you are and choosing to make the right choice even when it doesn't come as your first response. The rider in training has to make a concious choice to not grip onto the horse in contrast to the rising panic that says "hold on!" Seek and find. Knock and it will be opened. Ask and it will be given. Train and receive.

The Weapon of Prayer by Amy Carmichael

"Oh, Amma! Amma! Do not pray! Your prayers are, troubling me!" We all looked up in astonishment. We had just had our Band Prayer Meeting, when a woman came rushing into the room and began to exclaim like this. She was the mother of one of our girls, of whom I told you once before. She is still in the Terrible's den. Now the mother (A devout Hindu) was all excitement and poured out a curious story.

"When you went away last year I prayed. I prayed and prayed, and prayed again to my god to dispel your work. My daughter's heart was impressed with your words. I cried to my god to wash the words out. Has he washed them out? Oh no! And I prayed for a bridegroom for my daughter, and one came; and the cart was ready to take her away, and a hindrance occurred; the marriage fell through. And I wept till my eyes well-nigh dissolved. And again another bridegroom came, and again an obstacle occurred. And yet again did a bridegroom come, and yet again an obstacle; and I cannot get my daughter married, and the neighbors mock, and my Caste is disgraced" - and the poor old mother cried, just sobbed in her shame and confusion of face. "Then I went to my god again and said, 'What more can I offer you? Have I not given you all I have? And you reject my prayer!' Then in a dream my (demon) god appeared, and he said, 'Tell the Christians not to pray, I can do nothing against their prayers. Their prayers are hindering me!' And so, I beseech you, stop your prayers for fourteen days - only fourteen days - till I get my daughter married !" "And after she is married?" We asked. "Oh, then she may freely follow your God! I will hinder her no more!" Poor old mother! All lies are allowed where such things are concerned. We knew the proposed bridegroom came from a place three hundred miles away, and the idea was to carry the poor girl off by force as soon as she was married. We have been praying night and day to God to hinder this. And He is hindering!

Reference used - "Things As They Are" by Amy Carmichael

God Wants Lovers

"You will, I believe and trust, become more and more in love with a crucified Savior. He wants lovers. Oh how tepid is the love of so many who call themselves by His name. How tepid our own--my own--in comparison with the lava fires of His eternal love. I pray that you may be an ardent lover, the kind of lover who sets others on fire."

Amy Carmichael--"Candles in the Dark"

Reputation

Amy Carmichael once wrote that God was asking her new questions: "May I deal with every shred of your reputation just I choose, and will you be silent? Are you willing to obey in everything, every time, everywhere?" This same question He asks of me. My reputation, it is a thing I hold precious. Most people admire me and like me, if only from a distance. I am not known as a flirt or chaser of boys. These things I hold as part of my identity. But my identity should not sway with public opinion or even my family's opionion. I know that there are doubts on their part and a few others about whether I am completely sane or wise. Perhaps I should not trust the omnipotent Most High God as much as I do? Is the Lord's arm too short? (Numbers 11)

I loved the great encouragement I received from a friend when the issue of my future safety came up. He said, "There is nowhere saver than in the center of God's will." He was right. I am safer in God's will in "dangerous" country than out of God's will in a "safe" one. "What matter the beating wind and tossing billow if only we are in the boat with Thee?" I will not let the words of doubt defeat me, nor will I lose heart. My God is my rock and my strong foundation. All that matters is how He knows me.

January 2006

Oh Yeah!

In an attempt to do everything to the glory of God I have decided to procrastinate to the best of my ability. (Does that count?) Anyway, the homework is only homework, and I could fail all but four credits and graduate with a decent GPA.

I talked to some people with the group I am going to work with and they have a place for me to live in the fall and so I am going to get to go and I won't have to wait until spring and I am so excited! I am so thrilled that that last sentence was rather run-on. Scary! Next week I will get the budget written out for me and the subjects I will teach. Through all that I will get my support letter figured out and mail it to every person I know. I will spend June in Nashville and then be back here in Idaho for my friend's wedding (I'm in it.) in July. Then off to the Middle East! Wow. Wow. Wow. I can hardly believe it!

Please pray for my sanity, my support raising, and all the women I will leave behind (that they will have counselors to come and take my place). Also, my mom is starting to get nervous the more real and more soon this whole move is going to take place.

A new posting...

I keep telling myself that I have to write a new post, but I don't have any ideas to write about that are shallow and I don't have time to write about anything deep. I have spent my time working, talking, studying, reading, having people over for dinner, teaching, setting up a new e-mail account, writing a support letter, and suffering from the time change. My biggest frustrations with lack of time (although it isn't that I haven't been enjoying myself) are that I don't have time to study Kurdish and I don't have as much time as I would like to pray. There are so many women I pray for and I feel like I ought to give them so much more than I do. And combine all this with a bursting enthusiasm for graduation, ministry, and all the amazing things God has been teaching through His word and my studies of Eastern culture. Wow...