Sticky Note

1 Peter 5:1-5

So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory. Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

I am very blessed. The elders I have been under have behaved according to this passage. They love the church, serve eagerly, and lead well. Money and status have not been their object. I have learned from them all well. They will receive unfading crowns of glory and I am glad. 

I find though, that as I get older that these standards are also things I must apply to myself. These good leaders are to be examples to me and thus I should follow in their footsteps. I also realize more and more that people watch me and emulate me. I still, so often, feel like a foolish little girl struggling to even exist in the world so this all feels terribly odd. But God has given me a responsibility by the gifts and learning he has given me and I must also serve and lead.  That said, I am still young and am so very grateful for the mentors and leaders I have. I have many people to learn from and cannot forget that. In all my learning and growth I ought not to think myself greater than I actually am. I must then also be a good example by not being proud.

Thus, humility. Clothe yourselves with humility. Clothe. Am I naked without humility? Or am I merely wearing something else. Do I have a choice here? It sounds like I do. In the morning do I think of putting on humility? Nope. I have often been a proud person. I am smart, but often I think myself smarter that I am, or at least smarter than everyone around me. I am grateful for the men and women God has put in my life that prove me wrong on a regular basis. I am a fool and it is God's grace to me that he never lets my pride get very far before smashing it to bits again. I am thankful. 

For when I am humbled and then become humble I get to rest in his grace. 

So I'm putting up a sticky note. 

Lazy Saturday

It's completely dark in my house now... except for the arresting white of my computer screen. Somehow it got dark while I sat here; the sun set, I didn't move.

I feel blah. You know that feeling where you were given a whole day to live and breath and accomplish great things and you did so little. One phone call, one missed call, another call forgotten. A couple of times of eating.  I do have a little to show for today. Several inches of afghan suddenly appeared in the dark green yarn. I did catch up on White Collar while the green pineapple shapes spread across my already too warm lap. But that is hardly an accomplishment. I should have weeded the garden even though I don't know what I'll plant there. I should have heated the labels off the wine bottles in my craft room so that I could have turned them into my own crafts. I should have swept the kitchen floor.

But you know, I could have done all of these things and while it might have taken the edge off of the blah, the deep heart blah would still be there. It's all because I didn't talk to God. Sure, I threw out a few phrases every now and then... maybe that's the wrong way to put it. Sure, I talked to God. But I didn't LISTEN.  I didn't read his word, or open my heart in the quiet stillness, or sit on his lap and just be. And that is why I'm blah, today.

I have no life if I hear not the author of life. There is still time in the day. I could take care of the garden, the floor, or even tackle those bottles. But a few hours of work and a night's rest won't dispel the fog in my heart.

Off I go. This dragon will die. I know a good knight who will fight for me.