Thankfulness

I have kept putting off posting my thankful list for several reasons. First, it's all over the place and I haven't consolidated it well. Second, I kept thinking I wanted to post it on a Monday so I could link over to A Holy Experience. But, alas, neither of these things seems like it will work out for now. So I'm posting it here, today, unlinked and incomplete, but at least posted. 

847. Memories of beaches

848. Rosy-fingered dawn

849. End of vacation comes quickly

850. Saticoy girls

851. Psalm 42-43, how good, how much I want God

852. I begin to see the end of this down time

853. Job possibilities

854. Bible Studies

855. 2+ hour phone calls with friends

856. Molly's choices made with peace

857. My brother is here

858. Sister is coming

859. White wine sangria

860. Sharlee

861. Prayers that are perfect

862. Feeling lonely

863. The tan man

864. Boxes covered in pretty paper

865. New tennis shoes

866. Patsi

867. Walks with friends

868. Little boys

869. Showers

870. Lotion

871. Writing new things

872. So much blessing I can barely stand it 

873. New roommates

874. A beautiful house

875. A piano

876. More than one job

877. Realizing I'm a mess

878. Being ok with being a mess

879. Dave liking the candy machine

880. Breakfast with friends

881. Today began fall... weather-wise

Reading Good Books

I've noticed that my reading habits have sunk lately. I was talking to one of my friends about books the other day and I saw how the books I was reading had sunk to... well... junior high levels. Now, I enjoy a good kids book and have no problem reading them, obviously. But you have to admit that "Percy Jackson: The Lightning Thief" is not what you call the pinnacle of literary expression. When that's the only kind of thing I read, I know I've chosen the path of the easy. If everything I do is easy, then I am most likely not doing things that I should be, right?

Recently I had a conversation with a young Muslim friend about Ramadan. He had wished his friends an "easy fasting".  On further questioning it became apparent that fasting was not meant to be easy. It wasn't meant to be torture either, but to test faith and to experience what the poor do it is necessary that it be difficult, that there be a challenge to it. I was then asked why I was asking hard questions. The answer for both of these is that the best things in life are usually hard. We often achieve and learn most through the things that take some effort, not by the things that are easy.

So, I decided I need to read some better books, some hard books. Have any suggestions?

 

824. Good conversations about hard things being good
825. Microwave smores
826. Recuperating
827. Military men who have seen too much so we don't have to
828. Handel's Messiah--He carried our sorrows
829. Avocados
830. Fresh raspberries
831. Peaches
832. Long Bible times
833. The possibilities of dreams
834. Curel Daily Moisture Lotion
835. New striped skirt
836. Torrential rain shadows
837. Sun-breaks that glitter the wet ground
839. Communion Songs
840. Talking with a friend on a bad day
841. People who have airline tickets
842. Washing machine in the house
843. Cozy darkness in the Nuart
844. Raspberry cheesecake

Thanks for Funky Straw Flowers

 

805. Random meeting of Kent
806. My first job call-back
807. God is still on the throne
808. The puppy dog curled up on the spare mattress on my floor
809. Playing yellow bingo cars all by myself (That way I always win! Now if only I could find 5 yellow cars in one day!)





810. Just looking to Jesus
811. My father's laughter
812. God directs even the details
813. The stone heart that Angie gave me
814. Dr. Jerry's e-mails
815. The opportunity to make some money
816. The walls in my sister's bedroom
817. For our friend who takes care of our house

818. Giving-up-things-I-love pain
819. Cross stitch contours appearing
820. Long talks with wise people
821. Round hay bales on green hills
822. The yearbook
823. Whole wheat bagels

Fear

Recently I've been working through my fears. There are many of them. I know that God does not give us a spirit of fear... so I fight it. But there are so many and from so many directions that sometimes I feel so lost in it all.

You see, I'm afraid of not fitting in. The transition back to the U.S. stirs up this ugly fear that has to do with what people think of me and what I think of them. I'm also afraid of fitting in. I don't want to be like everyone else. Iraq has changed me and I don't want to lose that. But then I'm also afraid of pretending to fit in even when I don't. The combination of not wanting to fit in and wanting to belong makes me horribly likely to try to look like I fit in while all the time decaying on this inside because I am different.

I am not who I was before... before ever. I am not an Idahoan... a Tennessee-an... or an Iraqi. Who am I? I'm a child of God whose true home is Heaven. Unfortunately this means that I'm an alien, an exile in a foreign land here. And that's hard.

 

Thankful List
782. Dr. Jerry's random e-mails.
783. Moments of impact that define who you are and who you become
784. Silver nail polish
785. Choices I've never had to make
786. God forgives instead of becoming bitter at my betrayal
787. Free music from Josh Garrels
788. Picture of Katie and Jonathan in the mail
789. Smooth flights
790. Heat at Loon Lake
791. A day of complete independence
792. People who understand
793. Birds in the backyard
794. Having sent off the e-mails about my house stuff
795. Coming to terms with probably never going back
796. Several applications submitted
797. Tears... everywhere
798. Forgiveness
799. People happy to see me at the Nuart
800. Being able to help and be of use to someone
801. Stomach hunger
802. Fast internet
803. The regular hum of a washing machine in the house
804. Feeling lost and unsure of where I am to go (this is a hard one)

Pancakes and Bluegrass

764. Tears for Jeremiah
765. Dave's words of encouragement... we are not defeated
766. Noni finishing and folding my laundry
767. Robin's hysterical laughter when she gets tired
768. Moments where you just wish time would slow and you could hold onto it for a really long time
769. Round topped doors
770. Fido's
771. The little Toyota Yaris rental car
772. The gut weight of hard times
773. Being done with buying plane tickets
774. Breakfast at the Hocks
775. Large team meals with everyone from everywhere!
776. Newsletter success
777.  He will have His bride as rich as Himself, and He will not have a glory or a grace in which she shall not share.--Spurgeon
778. Hugs of friends who are new
779. Having so little to give
780. "From Depths of Woe"
781. Napping in the D's living room on a Sunday afternoon

Thankful Again

 

736. 60% Dark Chocolate

737. Overcoming the darts of the evil one
738. Messages from my students
739. Skype voicemail
740. Getting Excel to do what I want!
741. My presence making a difference to friends
742. Ericka playing and singing
743. K and C's purple mouthed baby's smile
744. Smiles at scarf gifts
745. Fresh cake donuts
746. Pretty new planner
747. Refining fire that burns off my bondage



748. Seeing Patrick
749. Tribute blend coffee fresh ground
750. Helping others process through details
751. Katie's fake eyelashes
752. Jonathan and his groomsmen praying in the chapel
753. The look on Jonathan's face as he made his vows
754. Katie looking like a model
755. My friend "giving me permission" to get married
756. Golden honey drizzling
757. Drinking tap water
758. Words that speak God's direction for my future
759. White t-shirt
760. Amazing foods... over and over again
761. Laughter and talking around the table, in the living room, at the airport
762. My new piercing
763. Adjusting to America more purposefully

Blank Books of Thankfulness

I spent the last four days in Denver, Colorado with my sister. One afternoon she tucked me away at a little bookstore called the "Tattered Cover".  If I owned a bookstore, I would want it kind of like this: full of cubby holes and nooks with couches and wooden chairs. Nearly everything is wooden; the ceiling beams are exposed and the floor creaks. Books seem to belong wrapped around with more of themselves, more tree. And sitting among the stained shelves, running my hand along the smooth wood-grain of the table, I feel at home... almost.

I sat next to the blank book section. This was a bit of a difficulty as I am somewhat of a fanatic for blank books and journals. I am very picky about them, however, preferring certain styles and most importantly narrow lines. Blank books are full of possibility, so full of promise, they are empty and unknown. They are the place for stories, real stories, that have not become yet. They are untold. This is exciting... most of the time. The uncertainty can be terrifying as well, that is, if the focus is on the emptiness of the page rather than the story and its author.  

714. A long talk with Katie
715. Unlimited minutes phone plan
716. New pink shirt
717. Scarves
718. I like my feet!
719. New jeans and earphones
720. Being sure of my shoes
721. Laughing with Laurel
722. My sister forgave me for how I treated her as a child
723. I did a lot of confessing as a kid
724. My parents are so creative!
725. New underwear
726. "We Would See Jesus" by Roy and Revel Hession
727. "The Tattered Cover" bookstore that provides inspiration and rest
728. Little boy at Chinese grocery
729. My new computer
730. Jake's giggles
731. Little boys who like to go fishing
732. Mango Caramel Chicken
733. Cilantro
734. Successful made-up pasta salad!
735. Laughing with Katie

Tulip Thankfulness

I've much to be thankful for. I haven't been very good at writing it all down lately... 
God is good.
 
694. Pauli's here
695. Feeling grief
696. Dirty feet
697. Never being suspected
698. Team phone call
699. Being done with my speech
700. A good chat with Molly
701. Only one social engagement today
702. Fear Not... for I am with you
703. Flowers delivered from Lizzy
704. Doggy snores
 

705. Lizzy-isms
706. Moments of quiet
707. Mom's foot and back rubs
708. Playing games (like Settlers of Catan)
709. Finding new favorite clothes
710. A nice pedicure that still lasts!
711. Jeeves and Wooster
712. Jesus Calling gift from a friend
713. My mother's tulips 
 
 

Thankful List Backlog

634. Funny spellings and English on the headstone

635. A beautiful view

636. The circle road and how you never will be impossibly lost in this city

637. BreathSavers peppermints however old

638. Being compared to a terrorist organization

639. the one lone flower left

640. The K fam squished into one triangle of the rotating dorway

641. All the luggage making it through

642. Being upgraded to business class and it being awesome

643. My salty gift: more tears

644. My sweet gift: Jason Gray's song "How I Ended Up Here"

645. My gift just right:  an awesome back massage

646. D having my back

647. Refining fire

648. Praying together

649. Communion

650. My years here at the school

651. Students who love me and want me to be their teacher

652. Precocious 5th graders

653. Kids who come to school anyway

654. The reflection room

655. A meeting with Y

656. That Y doesn't have it out for me

657. The thunderstorm, lightning, hail, and drenching rain

658. Wrapped sea glass necklace

659. Communal battery licking

660. Faithlynn's teary performance

661. He will complete that which he has begun  (He doesn't give up!)

662. He gives comfort

663. H's tears of love for me

664. Y making some sense when he talks

665. Pepperoni

666. Pizzas

667. Tear drops of concern and care

668. My new enjoyment  of eggs

669. Pasta with parmesan cheese

670. Whiteboards in my classrooms

671. A dear friend who fasts and prays for me

672. A power outage that brings quiet from construction noise so I can take a nap

673. Hannah here for a visit

674. Student comments that could get me in t

675. The love and care of my team for me

676. The tulips spreading wide in the heat of the afternoon

677. The hyacinths' blooming smell

678. Great quotes from great writers

679. Katie's news! Yay!

680. Being an idiot again

681.Teaching girls to become women of character

682. Green mountains

683. My car didn't blow up today

684. Getting fresh clothes for tomorrow.

685. I know faithful teens

686. Bone-weary days

687. Being counted worthy

688. A rose in a glass

689. A momentary panic  seeing a man with an earpiece--but able to recover

690. Bacon

691. Full breakfast with no puking

692. Chatting with Molly

693. Super fast internet

Cheekwood

Weary...but...

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, 

if we do not give up. --Galatians 6:9

Ok. But what happens when we ARE weary whether we like it or not? I ask myself this because I am weary. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. But I've found that some clarity comes from the later part of the verse... "do not give up". I am not giving up.

For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully 

works within me.--Colossians 1:29

This I can do only be God's grace and His power that works within me. I know that my power will not suffice. But in my weakness that feels nearly overwhelming at times, I see God's perfect grace and love. I hear him rejoice over me with singing, not because of anything I've done, but just out of his beautifying love. How great his grace. All is grace.

Thankful today.

612. Grieving in front of the world
613. The casket not fitting at first and D joking about how you can't keep a good man down
614. "How the Emptiness Sings"
615. People who write me their prayers for me
616. Old friends who know me
617. Loaning books on kindle
618. A chat with my friends gathered in Nashville for the Memorial Service there
619. Lots and lots of city power lately
620. All the people who deliver meals
621. Hot showers
622. the blood of Christ
623. forgiveness through the blood
624. cleansing through the blood
625. Jer's Bangladeshi skirt
626. getting over nearly vomiting at the sight and smell of blood

627. new back exercises and stretches that give me something to do that is focused

628. our working propane heater

629. hours that continue to pass by

630. being open and honest when people ask me how I'm doing (I don't know!)

631. the donations from the students for the family's tickets here

632. The continuing construction next door that lets me know of life going on

633. the ability to just be

All is Grace

All that I can do right now is count the little things... 


580. Finishing my little booklets project!
581. Pepperoni pizza
582. The smell of disinfectant
583. A good hair day
584. The grey tan sky with sun beams breaking through
585. Having made cinnamon rolls a month ago and put them in the freezer
586. The body of Christ is my family
587. The whole city is my family
588. The loss of my dear friend and colleague and my dear student (trying to be thankful here)
589. Peace with lots of people in my home
590. Food brought
591. Toilet paper brought
592. My team is my family
593. Ladies who come and remind me to eat
594. Heart-wrenching pain and the solemnity it causes
595. Joy from realizing the good that will come from sorrow and hurt
596. Understanding the meaning of communion and blood so much better
597. Notes, e-mails, condolences
598. Laughter over fond and funny memories
599. Pictures taken of quotes on my wall... "What is the gift in THIS moment?"
600. New found boldness
601. The beautiful snow that covers the city in white, there is so much symbolism there.
602. Identifying the attack of the evil one in myself and banishing it
603. Three days of our house filled wall to wall with people that are going from grief to joy
604. A day at home without more than 30 people in our home...
605. The flowers that people brought--so beautiful
606. Homemade toffee nut lattes brought by a dear friend
607. God's provision on a grand scale
608. My first night of solid sleep in several days
609. J doing our laundry, bless that woman!
610. The flower pin that R gave me and gives me hope
611. The knowledge that God will give me the grace to handle each day as it comes, even if looking forward can seem overwhelming

Dishing it Up

This weekend my roommate and I took the time to get some much needed (and some not so needed) shopping done. For one, we bought a vacuum. It's beautiful and yellow and has a rotating brush to get up all of our long hair. It also is a good brand so we won't have to go shopping for another one for a very long time. In the Middle East, there are lots of knock off brands and things that come from who knows where. These can look legit but they die in a week and the shop owners will certainly not take it back. So it pays to be careful.

While the yellow vacuum cleaner is awesome and colorful, there were some other things that brought even more color and fun into our house.
At the bazaar we went through the second-hand fabric shops and found several new tablecloths. All are bright and cheerful and each one cost about a dollar. Yay for second hand!

Then we visited a pottery and dish store that we've been hearing about for months. Some of our dishes are chipped or cracked and I broke yet another bowl the other day. And so we decided to add to our collection and brighten them up some too. They are all so pretty!  

 

 I also have a list of things I am thankful for from this past week. 

559. Team dinner on a Wednesday

560. F's hugs

561. N and D thanking me for their Bibles

562. E-mails of encouragement in the dark times

563. New dishes in bright colors

564. Yellow vacuum cleaner

565. Bright tablecloths

566. The super helpful man at the Bosch store

567. Birthday flowers still growing weeks later.

568. The Litany of Humility

569. Planting my seeds

570. Bulbs sprouting in pots

571. Chasing the propane truck... it's good exercise especially if you don't manage to catch it

572. The Beatitudes

573. A new (surprise!)brother in Christ--how great is our God!

574. Knee Deep by the Zac Brown Band and my sister for playing it as her wake up alarm over Christmas--now it just makes me happy!

575. Trips to the bazaar with friends

576. Nacho Libre and nachos night with friends

577. Sunshine flooding in through lace curtains

578. K and Y saying that when they grow up they want to come back and teach at the school

579. Encouraging e-mails and friends praying for me

 

My Heart for You...

I gave my students a task.

I hoped that this task would grow their hearts on Valentines day.

We talked about what it means to be thankful and how we can be thankful for so many things, even the hard things.

So, each one wrote lists. And these lists were more than being thankful for the ones they loved, but also thankful for the details they loved.

And we wrote and cut and taped and created a masterpiece in the hallway. The students were excited to share their new found joy and love with the rest of the school. 

 And I told them that this is my heart for you all...

that you would be thankful for what you have been given.

What is your heart for the people you love?

539. Rusty pictures
540. Our red heater
541. My leather purse
542. The school bag my mother and sister made for me
543. A sweet birthday note from my father
545. Little L's typed birthday note that called me sweet teacher
546. Hundreds of Valentine pictures
547. Grains and eating them
548. Time to exercise in the morning
549. Prayer room
550. New fabric for a traditional dress
551. Fresh strawberries
552. Deep heart hurting talks
553. Abandonment and being ignored
554. Glued things--shoe, bracelet, travel mug
555. How broken things remind me of the war
556. Contrite spirits in my students
557. Snow falling in big fluffy flakes
558. Thankful kids

The Day I Left My Camera at the House

I went for a walk today and saw so many things I wished that I had been able to capture and share and even remember. I felt like my meditative Eeyore feelings helped things pop out--like the red rust encrusted tricycle laying in overgrown grass. Ok, maybe they weren't all beautiful things exactly... but I enjoyed them.

I enjoyed the details of the patterns of silver paint and rust along the sides of the poles that line the street.

My lack of enthusiasm fit neatly into a loop of curling barbed wire that neatly framed the snowy mountains beyond.

The gang graphiti and painted on advertisements gave me a chance to practice my language and reading skills.

I passed the old white haired man who walked with the swinging gait of a severe limp. And two boys stared at my face trying to figure out where this pale, bundled and fully hatted person might be from.

A dark faced man from Africa, probably, was hosing down vast expanses of shiny black tile, threatening the lives of every person to walk into the grocery store for the next half hour.

The metal work shop was closed, the metal gate locked. And the pavement was spotted with grease stains where the cars from the nearby auto repair shop had been parked waiting their turns.

The stacks of cinder blocks about to be used for building projects create roadblocks of different sizes, and the long narrow hills of rusted rebar also speak to ongoing construction.

The candy wrappers, beer cans, the dust, the bits of broken glass, and the spiny bushes weave themselves in and out of the chain-link fence and across the red brick sidewalk.

This is life... this is a walk.

And my thanks... continuing.

520. Being able to get our propane heater to light
521. Watching TV shows with my room mate
522. S being happy with me turning in my tests and grades
523. Little boys running and screaming in the street (happily!)
524. T's jokes on the Skype call
525. Evening sunshine glory
526. J's return and his glowing at being back
527. New book to read and cozy up in for the day
528. Gematria
529. Polar Bear desktop
530. A clean hawsha
531. Strawberries in the market
532. New 75 watt lightbulbs in the kitchen
533. Lightning flashes and deep thunder
534. A whole day alone, quiet, getting work done
535. E's highlights and A's gray hairs
536. The smoothness of my kindle
537. The radiance that comes from young men set free in God
538. Worn and loved books returned