Live a Life Worthy

Barbed Wire

2012-02-15T10:06:00.002+03:00

After reading a post over at Scribing the Journey I was inspired to think more about the barbed wire I see. I think people expect that I see a lot of barbed wire. And, well, I do. But after 5 years, I've kind of stopped noticing it. So, I decided to look at it a little closer. I wasn't inspired. It's swirly sometimes, rusty often, and if God was speaking to me through it, I didn't hear.

See? Barbed wire.

But that thought led me to something else. My fifth graders have been asking me a lot of questions about how God talks to me and how I know what He wants me to do. And they want to know if He will speak to them if they ask Him to. My answer is always that God will reveal himself, but most likely not in the way you expect Him to. So look in the unexpected places and keep your eyes open all the time. All of creation is God's spoken word to us.

So wait, does that mean that God is speaking to me through the barbed wire after all?

What I Saw on My Walk Home...

2012-02-05T21:01:00.002+03:00

The Day I Left My Camera at the House

2012-01-30T21:55:00.001+03:00

I went for a walk today and saw so many things I wished that I had been able to capture and share and even remember. I felt like my meditative Eeyore feelings helped things pop out--like the red rust encrusted tricycle laying in overgrown grass. Ok, maybe they weren't all beautiful things exactly... but I enjoyed them.

I enjoyed the details of the patterns of silver paint and rust along the sides of the poles that line the street.

My lack of enthusiasm fit neatly into a loop of curling barbed wire that neatly framed the snowy mountains beyond.

The gang graphiti and painted on advertisements gave me a chance to practice my language and reading skills.

I passed the old white haired man who walked with the swinging gait of a severe limp. And two boys stared at my face trying to figure out where this pale, bundled and fully hatted person might be from.

A dark faced man from Africa, probably, was hosing down vast expanses of shiny black tile, threatening the lives of every person to walk into the grocery store for the next half hour.

The metal work shop was closed, the metal gate locked. And the pavement was spotted with grease stains where the cars from the nearby auto repair shop had been parked waiting their turns.

The stacks of cinder blocks about to be used for building projects create roadblocks of different sizes, and the long narrow hills of rusted rebar also speak to ongoing construction.

The candy wrappers, beer cans, the dust, the bits of broken glass, and the spiny bushes weave themselves in and out of the chain-link fence and across the red brick sidewalk.

This is life... this is a walk.

And my thanks... continuing.

520. Being able to get our propane heater to light
521. Watching TV shows with my room mate
522. S being happy with me turning in my tests and grades
523. Little boys running and screaming in the street (happily!)
524. T's jokes on the Skype call
525. Evening sunshine glory
526. J's return and his glowing at being back
527. New book to read and cozy up in for the day
528. Gematria
529. Polar Bear desktop
530. A clean hawsha
531. Strawberries in the market
532. New 75 watt lightbulbs in the kitchen
533. Lightning flashes and deep thunder
534. A whole day alone, quiet, getting work done
535. E's highlights and A's gray hairs
536. The smoothness of my kindle
537. The radiance that comes from young men set free in God
538. Worn and loved books returned

Burger Fuel

2012-01-28T12:43:00.001+03:00

Last night I had a totally new experience for our city. It was a really good restaurant burger. See, a new chain, called Burger Fuel opened up from New Zealand. It's awesome! The beef tasted like actual beef (I guess it's all imported), not like sheep or something that has spent its whole life eating trash. Hooray for Burger Fuel!

Image snagged from the Burger Fuel Website

I rarely go out to eat here, partly because cooking at home is cheaper, but mostly because of the food at restaurants out. It's usually not very healthy, not very good, and sometimes will even make you physically ill. But this place was in tip top form. Ok, so it's also not the healthiest food on the planet, but this chain is more careful than McDonalds about what it serves.

A very accurate advertisement from Burger Fuel!

The other really neat thing about our dining experience there was the service. Now, customer service is not a big thing here. Most waiters in restaurants sit around watching TV, smoking, and drinking tea. But these guys worked hard, literally ran to get the door when people entered or exited, and asked us if we wanted the heat turned up after we sat down. How cool is that?!

So, a group of us girls had a good night out and ate amazing food that we have missed while living here. Thanks to Burger Fuel for opening a new branch out here!

Ode to the Worst Missionary

2012-01-21T21:05:00.000+03:00

I read very few blogs... at least compared to most of the bloggy-world people I know. But there are handful that I do keep track of. One of them is the blog of "Jamie the Very Worst Missionary". I find her hysterical and I love how she's so un-stereotypical. And while I probably look more like the stereotype of teacher or a Christian, most of the people I know who are true and solid Christ-followers don't look like what people expect them to. Sometimes I feel like people expect me to glow or to walk around like some suffering (but angelic) Mary figure.

You see, a lot of us have gotten some things wrong in the whole "being a Christian" business. So when I read Jamie Wright's post about Women in Ministry I found it really applicable, not only to where I am in life but to where all of us should be. It's not that we should all be worldly or look like the world. It's that we shouldn't!

Each and every one of us is called to be a minister of God's word and of the gospel to others, no matter what country or profession we may have on the side. I do not have to be a nun to do God's work, and neither do you.

Elegy to the Tomato Plant

2012-01-17T16:15:00.003+03:00

I finally pulled up all my dead plants yesterday and it reminded me of this photo from about a month ago. It's mid-January and one of the plants wasn't wholly dead. It was a three foot straggle of brown vine with two small branches near the end that were still green. No tomatoes were on it, but it was preparing to bloom again, six small buds ready to produce a couple more tomatoes the size of air-soft pellets. I pulled up the plant anyway. It was making a mess of our front porch. I did feel a little guilty; after all, it had hung on all this time. But practicality and the desire not to have feelings for something without a soul pushed me on and now it's well buried in the tall red trash can downstairs. It was a valiant little plant and it managed to produce these four dainty tomatoes before it's final demise. I'm not growing tomatoes again. The pain of their struggle against the elements is just too much.

Returning

2012-01-15T14:41:00.001+03:00

In the last month I've returned to America, returned to family, returned to the Middle East, returned to my students, and now I'm returning to my blog. It's an amazing concept: "returning". There are so many things in life that we go back to again and again. Sometimes it is like the dog returning to his vomit as we return to our sins. But I find that more often I go back again and again to the good things I love. I return to family because I love them and love spending time with them. I return to my students because of my love for them and God's love for them as well. How blessed I am to have people whom I love and who love me to see and enjoy no matter which way I turn.

I've not posted my thankful list in a long long time, so I'm posting some now...
499. A visit from Kay, Lisa, and Dave
500. Ericka Corban and her latest CD
501. Sleep when it is sorely needed
502. Power outage quietness
503. Daily front window sunset
504. Laptop computer warmth
505. Phantom prism rainbows
506. Wine delivery
507. Productive grading times
508. Giant gifted sunglasses
509. Not needing the heater because of my awesome blankets
510. A Christian Thanksgiving
511. Having e-mailed in my first two sets of grades
512. Reading a book that is really good that I had read so long ago that I had forgotten about it
513. The gas truck song
514. The mullah's call to prayer
515. My phone ringing
516. Early morning energy
517. Surging warm love for my kids
518. Farkle games and laughter
519. My new brown sweater a spontaneous gift off my friend's back

It's a Small Small World

2011-11-07T23:51:00.000+03:00

There are some days when the world just seems to contract. Today I want to write poetry about it, but I can't somehow. I don't know if the smallness of the world is created by my getting older, or by my travel around the world, or something else. It is partly created by the internet. When one blog quotes someone from your hometown and and you "virtually" meet someone on facebook who just had dinner with your parents half a world away, it's hard to keep straight which world I actually live in. The two (or three) very distinct worlds have begun to blur. My students read books from my hometown authors and blogger authors in part because I have brought those books here, but also because of something else. This something else is the REAL reason the world feels small...

The body of Christ is all connected. Whether on this continent, or the next one over, or across a vast ocean, God's church is all knit together. We are, after all, one body. So, when all this small worldness seems strange, I only need to remind myself that it is a wonderful and supernatural thing in the world and begin to revel. So today, I revel in the day of small things... small worlds... worlds where the lips work together to smile, where the two hands clap together in praise, where the feet bring along the mouth to preach the good news.

469. Checking twitter more often to see my students update their thankful lists
470. A spinning glass with butterflies in orange
471. Coming home to a good dinner cooked by Molly
472. Teresa's house all decorated for fall
473. The smell of a curling iron heating in the cool morning air
474. Having a weekend to rest and recover from illness
475. Crazy hair day and mismatch day at school
476. Words of life written on a student's page
477. Giving books away to people who will love them and read them
478. Eager faces earning prizes
479. Free meat from the neighbors--being reminded of sacrifice and what it really looks like: death
480. Beautiful Persian rugs
481. Not being in a war zone
482. Frank Sinatra and Swing Music
483. Days full of cooking
484. Clean Ikea down comforter gift in the second-hand bazaar
485.Whole wheat flour and oatmeal in large quantities
486. Hospitality and love from friends with coffee and pumpkin scones
487. Laundry smells
488. Reading aloud with the power off
489. Good friends visiting
490. Late nights chatting
491. Amazing Grace sung by a small group of Muslim and Christian students in harmony together
492. Prayers for breakthrough
493. Honesty that is convicting
494. Being uninvited from a party at the last minute
495. Super slow internet
496. Peppery beef stew
497. Time to fold laundry
498. Forgetting how to spell "laundry"

Free Meat Day

2011-11-06T19:50:00.001+03:00

This is the day where we, here in the Middle East, relive the Old Testament days and receive a black plastic back with random chunks of meat and bone. The holiday is called The Feast of Korban, literally feast of sacrifice. Some of our neighbors sacrificed something (a cow? maybe a sheep?) and drove around the neighborhood doling it out to everyone who answered their doorbell.

Everyone is Someone Else

2011-11-04T12:36:00.000+03:00

Last weekend we had a costume party with the high school students. The costumes were lots of fun and the teachers who came were really into it as well. I think all the students had a good time and everyone was able to relax and laugh.

Doctor and Patient

The Little Bee is attacked and then rescued.

Jack Sparrow and a random pirate lady (me)

Our local military contingent

Dancing was the main activity for the evening.

My dear photographer student-friend and another student

This is what teachers do at parties

Obama even came to our party.

This guy was the biggest surprise of the night for the students,

a former teacher flew in for a week.

Our very own punk rocker signs an autograph

Bruce Springsteen

What set of pictures would be complete without Mr. P and food?

I'm still not exactly sure what was going on here... but it looks cool.

Basketball

2011-10-25T18:38:00.001+03:00

Girls basketball here is a bit of an adventure. There is such a wide range of talents and most girls have never played any organized sport at all. Fortunately, this year I haven't seen that we have and girls that duck when the ball is thrown at them. We all work hard and we all have a lot of fun. That's what I realized from the pictures I took the other day. They have a great time.

Maps of Greece!

2011-10-21T13:38:00.002+03:00

This is one of my most recent projects. I made two wall maps of Greece for the 3rd grade classrooms. I may make some more (of other maps!) because I enjoyed the project so much. I'm still an elementary kid at heart. I've never gotten tired of coloring in the lines!

O Giver... of good gifts...

2011-10-17T23:18:00.001+03:00

O Giver of good gifts... thank you for the abundantgraciousness you flood me with.

But God... some gifts are hard to handle at first...
Sometimestoo wonderful to behold and overwhelming with joy they spill over
Sometimeshard, aching, uncomfortable...

where all I want to do is

crawl in a corner

andhide

becauseone of my greatest fears is...

being a burden.

And I... forgetting that God is the carrier of my burdens,

press on in my pride,

oblivious.

forgetting the cross and finding only my fear,

shut my eyes to pain and joy alike.

But God... through all my foolishness, forgetfulness, blind fear and failures...

YOU ARE THERE...

Giving and giving the good, again and again.

463. Sunrise through red-orange zinnia petals
464. Slow mornings alone with papers and books
465. Coffee brewing smell
466. Laughing hard over dying rabbit calls
467. Sweet baby smell on my hands
468. Young people beginning their own lists

The Yes and the No

2011-10-13T10:09:00.007+03:00

This morning I saw the sunbeams fan out from behind the mountains and kiss the clouds so that they blushed. And when I found this poem, it felt like maybe Cummings had seen it with me.

e.e. cummings poem

i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

It is unusual for me to like a cummings poem this well because as a teacher of lots of kids who speak English as a second language, I struggle to read anything with such poor capitalization skills without marking it all up with red pen.

But this poem captures a lot. I like the end of the first stanza where it says, "which is yes"... everything which is yes... Isn't everything "yes" in Christ? And then paired with the middle of the third stanza, "the no of all nothing". Isn't that where the "no's" come from? Nothing. C.S. Lewis writes in the "Screwtape Letters" that nothing is very powerful and that many people are led astray by merely doing nothing.

"The Christians describe the Enemy as one "without whom Nothing is strong". And Nothing is very strong: strong enough to steal away a man's best years not in sweet sins but in a dreary flickering of the mind over it knows not what and knows not why, in the gratification of curiosities so feeble that the man is only half aware of them, in drumming of fingers and kicking of heels, in whistling tunes that he does not like, or in the long, dim labyrinth of reveries that have not even lust or ambition to give them a relish, but which, once chance association has started them, the creature is too weak and fuddled to shake off." ~C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters, Letter #12

The battle against nothing is only hopeless to those who are without Screwtape's Enemy, God. But with God, we can have open ears and open eyes to see the great somethings that God has given us as gifts. How beautiful it is to see all the "yes's", to see all the birth, to see "the gay great happening illimitably earth".

Versatile? Really?

2011-10-11T17:48:00.005+03:00

So, I was nominated for something! This has never happened to me before! I'm not sure what to do with it exactly. Fortunately for me, there are rules from a joyful mother, who nominated me. Thank you!

According to her, I have 2 responsibilities: writing 7 things about myself and tagging 15 blogs with this award. I hate feeling conned into these sorts of things. What if I don't visit 15 blogs? I'm not the really obsessive blogging world type. My face to face life is pretty important and a bit more attention needing than the blog world. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy blogs. But I am nowhere near a faithful follower of more than 6 or 7.

So first, 7 things about me.

1. I'm not sure that my blogging is versatile. I always think that a versatile piece of clothing is one that you can wear with lots of different outfits, or a versatile person is one who can perform a lot of different jobs. But what makes a versatile blog? One that you can read when you are in different moods? One that goes with your outfit? I don't know. Or wait... I suppose this actually means that I'm a versatile person who has a blog. Well... I don't know about that either. Now I'm confused.

2. My least favorite job may just be emptying the dishwasher. I don't know why. It only takes 5-10 minutes. How can I procrastinate so much on something that takes so little time? I admit that I'm ridiculous.

3. I really love coloring. I don't mean drawing... I can draw a few things ok, but nothing realistic. I like coloring inside the lines. I find it relaxing. In this same category I like cross stitching because it is so ruled and ordered and repetitive.

4. I've always been a little vain about my feet. In a family full of ugly feeted people, I have lovely feet. So, I try to take care of them well to keep them that way.

5. Pumpkins make me happy. EVERY YEAR! Not carved ones, just the ordinary orange shapes... and anything else fall-ish. I think Fall in America is my favorite season... followed closely by Winter in America and Spring in the Middle East.

6. Plants and animals also make me happy. Some people say that I take too much pleasure in taking care of things without souls. I disagree. Soul-less things are far less responsibility.

7. I like watching Star Trek re-runs. Next Generation is my favorite.

Now for the tagging. I won't manage 15. But I'm sure the blogging police won't chase me down and arrest me!

1. Dragonflies and Kingfishers
2. The Empty Nest
3. Blessed to Be a Blessing
4. Mariana
5. Rants, Raves, & Random Thoughts
6. Dancing with Dragons
7. Timmyjimi

That's all for now!

Sacrifice

2011-10-10T22:41:00.002+03:00

You know, sometimes God asks us to give things up. They may even be good things. But I firmly believe that there is blessing in the sacrifice. I wouldn't sacrifice if I were my old self. But the old self is dead, and the decision to sacrifice came easily, although not without some sadness. I'm just waiting to see the amazing good that God brings out of it.

This week, Thankful for SO MANY THINGS!

442. A Surprise Wedding
443. Time slowing with friends who are like family
444. Sunbreak joy
445. New dark brown bowls all smooth
446. The Yellow Tablecloth
447. Skype calls with old friends who use sports metaphors
448. 3rd grade portrait of myself
449. Braided playdough with marker spots that means love
450. Lanea and her learning to hug me from the front instead of sneaking up from the back all the time
451. Student eagerness to come to my home on a weekend
452. Sabbath day afternoon naps
453. Two wall maps of Greece for the classrooms
454. First sighting of fall pumpkins
455. Curried lentils
456. Sacrifice that God directs (because God will bring blessing!)
457. Student thankfulness lists
458. My teammate who is a noticeably more joyful and communicative person this year
459. Backrub machine on loan from a friend
460. A roommate willing to trade backrubs
461. Lunchtime conversations with students
462. Gifting Bibles

Washington Fruit...

2011-10-07T18:44:00.004+03:00

IN THE MIDDLE EAST! YAY!

Team Dinner

2011-10-03T19:30:00.002+03:00

Every week we have dinner together as a team (those of us expat teachers at the school where I work). It's awesome. Tonight my housemate and I made breakfast for dinner: egg casserole, fruit salad, and muffins. We had a good time hanging out and fellowshipping together and got to hear about everyone's week and classes. There are so many wonderful things this week that I wasn't able to capture them all on my list, but here's a partial!

431. the smell of our fabric softener
432. Rereading a note from Ann Voskamp (I feel so blessed)
433. Molly making it back home
434. Morning time to be used well
435. Talking with Noor
436. Wall maps
437. BBC
438. Knowing people who make me feel safe
439. The first rain of the fall and the smell it makes in the dust (petrichor!)
440. Divine drawing of hearts
441. Sidesplitting stories

Fun Taking Pictures With the Noble Chickens

2011-09-29T22:44:00.004+03:00

What? No Coffee?

2011-09-26T16:03:00.003+03:00

It's been a crazy week. A really awesome good week. But zor full. So, some mornings basic things didn't get done... like I forgot to plug in the coffee pot. Oh sad. No coffee.

But I had some tea, so it was ok. =)
Today I am thankful for my good week. =)

415. Singing hymns
416. Katie chats
417. Sister chats
418. Cold water
419. Whole wheat bread
420. Peanut Butter on pancakes
421. Isaiah--so beautiful
422. My Redeemer who redeems the moments that I lose and the problems I've
created
423. Getting off a newsletter
424. Spontaneous divine appointments
425. Taking care of little ones at church
426. Early bedtimes
427. Finishing today's grading
428. Colored pens
429. Writing on the tiled walls
430. Pain that reminds me to pray

Are you smarter than a 5th grader?

2011-09-20T21:26:00.002+03:00

My Question: What action did God take to create the universe?

Her Answer: "He said the things on his mind and it just happened and it came true."

Random Ramble (a peek inside my brain)

2011-09-19T16:01:00.004+03:00

Living in constant awe of God is the only way to avoid sin. By walking with God I see his glory and am in awe of it. When in awe there is a feeling, a knowledge of God’s supremacy and of my own smallness. If I am insignificant and God is great, what are my desires? And how can I follow anything but God’s will? And if I am in awe of God and walking with him I am filled by him and lack nothing. I will not need to run to any earthly pleasure to fill myself.

So often I numb myself. The emotion is too great and I would rather be a straight level-headed person rather than an expressive feeling one. But by numbing myself to what is around me, I also numb myself to God. How foolish.

Enough of that... time to awe.

401. Being tired
402. Music History Studies
403. Leisure
404. Concrete Blocks on my roof
405. Dinner with friends
406. Sharing the past
407. Sherlock Holmes BBC--hysterical!
408. Morning Chickens
409. Hose water and dust foot-prints
410. Overflowing water tanks!
411. How can I find God? Questions.
412. Kids who read.
413. Sleeping through the night
414. My beautiful rooster

2011-09-17T15:49:00.002+03:00

Groans that Words Cannot Express

2011-09-14T19:12:00.004+03:00

How am I supposed to write something for the public that I can't even put in words myself? It is said that pictures are worth a thousand words. But sometimes they are worth more because they can say something that words can't. I wonder if that is how the Spirit prays for us... in pictures. No, it can't be that. God's words are powerful. His words "ARE" things. He says "mountain" and there is one. It's only we that have to speak in pictures. Even our words are images of pictures. And today I am wanting to say something that is so beautiful that it almost hurts. In some ways it hurts because it is so in-expressable. My pictures don't speak that beauty. Even they are inadequate. But what else can I do?

Worth

2011-09-12T22:22:00.004+03:00

“Am I willing?”

Sometimes God doesn’task the easy. It hurts to give up some things, like coming home for Christmasbreak or the hope of marriage and a family. God asked me, “If I ask you, areyou willing?”

“Am I?... No!...wait…. God? Really?”

I become appalled atmy foolish flailing, the idolized idea of my own spirituality and sacrifice.God trims away loves, dreams, family, relationships, and favorite things. Ibleed and the pain is real. But what hurts more is my own rebellion, myhesitation even, to grant all to God. This is what I preach, proclaim, promote.Who am I am to doubt?

Who am I to hesitateat giving up my Christmas break or anything else in the face of what I ask myfriends to give up every day? By becoming a Christian they face ridicule, beingmocked, being socially ostracized, despised by every friend and family memberthey have ever known. Their persecution is real.

I know young men andwomen who face in their own homes severer trials than I have ever faced. Thenumber is growing by God’s grace. And they all know Christ is worth it. Some ofthem have told me. Who am I to doubt them?

I am asking them tobelieve Christ and him crucified at the cost of their family (maybe forever).Am I not willing to give up mine in the present or the future? I am tellingthese people that Christ is worth it. If he is truly worth it, then isn’t he worthit for me? Who am I to doubt him?

And while God doestrim away these things, what are they in the light of what God offers? Thetreasure in the field is really worth all that the man must sell to acquire it.God gives new dreams, new relationships, a new kind of family. He is worth it.

What is God asking you to do? To give up? To let go of? Toconfess? Are you doubting that he is worth it? Who are you?

388. Seeing my students again--LOVE!
389. Being ready early... even if it wasn't really early
390. Aprons
391. Magical sunset evenings

392. Smooth dinner parties

393. Colorful pillow covers

394. Leftovers filling the freezer

395. Little child hugs

396. Teaching

397. Prayerful people

398. A Valley of Vision

399. Being alone

400. Never falling off of God's priority list

Do you ever?

2011-09-06T20:56:00.000+03:00

Have moments of knee bruising awe?
Have your mind blown by what God is doing?
Think you might have been dreaming too small?
Wish you had a tape recorder for life and play some moments over and over?
Yearn for specific people deep in your heart?
Feel privileged to have the love of your family?
Find yourself so completely overwhelmed that it physically hurts?

This week I am so thankful.

372. Sunbreaks and beautiful clouds on the ride to my hotel
373. "Comfort Seats" in Amsterdam airport
374. Gloria Jeans Coffee and Starbucks
375. Being allowed to check in early!
376. Seagull cries
377. Molly's notes on the wall
378. Air conditioning on in my house when I came in
379. The power going out 2 minutes after I arrive home
380. Dinner with friends
381. Cleaning out the freezer that has been off for 2 weeks full of food
382. White Tea and Green Pear scented candles
383. Not losing things
384. Tiffany asking for a hair band as I say goodbye
385. Beiong called Uncle Colleen by Tyler
386. The quiet of no power
387. Coffee (I'm sure this has been on my list before! But today I'm thankful for it all over again!)

The Weight

2011-08-22T22:27:00.000+03:00

A lot of people are familiar with C.S. Lewis' Weight of Glory, and it's a great essay. But there are other things that I feel have the same weight... perhaps they are part of the same glory. Today, for me, I feel the weight of Joy. I think that so often I've thought that Joy was light... light-hearted... light-footed, a dancing leaping and laughing thing. It can be, BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE!

There are heavy joys, like seeing a friend who's regained her hold on reality, like being free from a sin that you never noticed before, like having died to even a good thing you once held too dear, like being given the opportunity to see God revolutionize people's lives.

These are not giggles and skittles, daisies or puppies or orange juice. These things are dark chocolate, classical music, fine wine, flame-colored roses, lions, and wide quiet smiles. They are weighty joys.

359. Toasted Poptart Smell
360. Birthdays
361. Red Vines
362. Spontaneous iced coffee
363. Laurel's red teapot
364. Wall-maps
365. Weighty Joys
366. Old friends made right
367. Card games with my mother
368. Conviction, Confession, and Grace
369. Pushing my mom through pain
370. God uses our trials in the lives of others
371. Lloyd Alexander's books

Some of my favorite people...

2011-08-18T09:36:00.002+03:00

On Being a Teacher...

2011-08-15T22:29:00.002+03:00

Being a teacher has its pros and cons. You get summers "off" and you get to spend your time teaching kids to learn and think... these are just a few of the pros. I love it.

But there are cons as well. While you may have summers "off" they aren't really "free". I am still constantly thinking about my classes, students, and what I need to make ready. Then comes the part where you actually have to put it down on paper, and this takes a surprisingly long period of time, especially at the beginning of the year or when you are teaching a class you have never taught before.

All that to say, I have been living with Bach for the last several days. He's pretty fantastic. I've always known this, but I've been well reminded. The question then becomes, "How do I teach Bach?" Which then cascades and fractals into a myriad of other questions:

"Should I try to teach them to sing some of his harmonies?"
"Should I make them listen to him at home?"
"How can I make this more than just a homework assignment?"
"How can I teach them to love good music?"
"How much should I make the class self-led?"
"How can I teach the stories that make up the music?"
"Should I make them draw? Sculpt? Write music?"
"Should I offer extra credit?"
"How much vocabulary should I require them to know?"
...
...
...

I could keep going...

Whatever the case is, I love my students and am thankful for them... even in the summer.

346. Fellowship where you see God's hand working a pattern through lives
347. A friend who trusts me
348. Bach
349. Friends who drive a long way to see me
350. My students
351. Green plants outside my window
352. I can move my wrist and arm all around
353. I can cook
354. My brother Kevin's hugs
355. The smell of sandalwood soap
356. Socks
357. Strange books that make me think
358. Doggy fur

More from my days in Istanbul

2011-08-14T09:37:00.002+03:00

2011-08-11T22:09:00.002+03:00

I have discovered that one of my favorite things is stacks of color. It doesn't matter too much about what colors they are... but bright ones are good. You stack colors in bowls, scarves, towels, or books and suddenly I don't really want them to used them, but to have them stacked in my house in all their pretty colors. =)

Istanbul

2011-08-09T18:42:00.004+03:00

I really like Istanbul. I've been there enough that I feel comfortable getting around and I enjoy all there is to see.

There is one major drawback to Istanbul though. As a young blond woman I gather far more attention than I would like (which would ideally be almost none!). In fact, I thought my TV spy shows had gotten me a little paranoid on this last trip over because at one point I thought someone might be following me. I paid some extra attention and kept an eye out only to find out that I was being followed! Hmmm... maybe I need more spy shows.

Anyway, here are few pics from my last trip through there.

337. Gift Certificates for things I really want coming out of the blue (or really heaven, hehe)
338. Friends who come over spontaneously
339. Farmer's market
340. Fresh cut grass
341. My mother's surgery going well
342. Learning a new way God has used me
343. I get to see my sister today
344. Family sounds
345. Running Water

My God Loves Me!

2011-07-30T18:22:00.003+03:00

I know it comes as no surprise. I am not surprised at the statement itself. God has done more than enough to prove his love. But I am surprised at how he continues to do so again and again.

Several days ago I posted on my wonderings about making the right choices about money and things. The spark for those thoughts was a series of internal debates about whether or not I should shell out the cash a massage. I decided that it wasn't a wise use for my money.

I thought about it again when I entered the U.S. Decided I would look into it. And... low and behold, a friend had a gift certificate for a massage that he wasn't going to use. He gave it to me!

God provided a free massage for me. Pieces were set up for this months in advance. God was taking care of me and desires I had even before I knew I wanted them.

Amrika!

2011-07-29T02:26:00.002+03:00

It is amazing how familiar I have become with the passport and customs area in the Seattle airport. My luggage always seems to be in the last group off the plane; I don't know why. But it gives me plenty of time to observe the people around me and process what it means to be back in the U.S.

My first observations this time through were mostly that my good friend, Katie, wasn't with me (as she has been for years flying into Seattle from the ME) and that I had no cell phone to call people and tell them I was nearly home.

Secondly, I noticed how tall everyone was. I'm used to being taller than most women and just barely shorter than the men. At 5' 6", I'm a very average height in the U.S. It just felt like all of a sudden I was surrounded by very tall men and women.

Thirdly, there is a relaxation and at-home-ness that I feel even in Seattle. Seattle is hours and hours away from my final destination, but I could drive there if all other transportation failed me. That, and all the airport personnel speak English fluently. This, too, is a relief of sorts. The only downside is that my blond hair no longer gets me special treatment. =D

It is nice to see family and friends. The U.S. is beautiful and comfortable and easy, but I am an alien and a stranger in this world.

Trusting God

2011-07-25T18:42:00.002+03:00

So, we all know God will provide, right? But God moves in mysterious ways, too. We don’t always know the methods by which he will provide.

Thus it is when I am faced with a dilemma. My back is in knots from travel, stress, and bad posture. I could spend $75 at a really nice hotel next door for a great massage. It isn’t the most financially wise decision but God will provide what I need, right? And my back needs fixed. OR...

Perhaps rather I should not spend the money and trust God to fix my back and release the tension there on his own. After all, I can do a lot with $75 that will last much longer than 60 minutes. Maybe I’m just trying to step into his plans.

But what if I said this about a dentist? Should I go to the dentist and trust God for the money? Or trust God to take care of my teeth? Or has he provided for my teeth by means of the dentist? What about doctors?

What if it is something less clear, like needing some new clothes… I mean, we could all get by with a few less sets of clothing, but we also have expectations on us to look presentable and professional. Where do you trust God to provide?

Let’s say I have X amount of money. How do I choose to spend that money? What is the highest priority? What will glorify God the most? How am I even supposed to know?

PS. After posting my thankful list below, I am reminded that God loves me more than I know. He does more than I could ask or imagine. My choice in any of these things will not affect his abundant blessing toward me. He will make all things work together for my good.

304. Late night talks with Molly
305. God grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking me
306. Strolling in Istanbul
307. A new skirt
308. Holding a woman's hand on the airplane to calm her during take off
309. Laughing with Iraqi women met in a store... "How can you live in Iraq? We can't even live there!"
310. Man on the elevator asking if I am from Moscow... hehe... He meant Russia.
311. Apple Tea and Jesus
312. God taking care of the things I can't control... like buses and the people they affect
313. Getting OFF of buses... I get carsick
314. I never thought I'd say this, but I am very thankful for McDonalds!
315. Being called beautiful... again... by someone else... when I feel at my lowest (in terms of beauty).
316. God has a good sense of humor
317. Spy skills
318. Sergyn and what he taught me about myself. Ouch.

Thankful List.

2011-07-18T15:52:00.002+03:00

It's been ages since I've managed to get a post lined up with the Thousand Gifts "Multitude Mondays" over at A Holy Experience. And I can't think of anything to say right now, so I'll just post my list as it is currently.

290. I have arms
291. Agatha Christie novels
292. Vegetables
293. The ability to drive a stick-shift
294. A housemate I can live with and even enjoy!
295. Running farther than I have in a long time
296. My sewing machine is fixed.
297. Successful trip to the bazaar.
298. Sweat
299. Neutrogena lip stick
300. Being called beautiful
301. Being reminded of all the gifts God has given me: joy in my work, peace, joy in things other than drunken parties...
302. Cleansing
303. God is on the Throne
304. Holding a tetra-drachma from around 2 B.C., joy in the history there

Convicted

2011-07-16T15:53:00.004+03:00

I've been reading through the verses on prayer lately as I study them in another language to therefore learn to pray in that language. I've also been reading and praying through the prayers in a book called "The Valley of Vision".

In all this, I've begun to wonder if I even know how to pray in my own language. There is so much lacking in my faith in my walk with God. I realize how there are parts of prayer I have consciously or unconsciously avoided because they made me uncomfortable or unsure. I would think, "How am I to pray like that?!"

But then I see it for what it is. How can I think that a God who has proved faithful over and over again, who has held up my life in every way, who blesses and overflows me with blessing again and again, who has done all this, how can I think that he will not continue to remain faithful to his word? How can he not keep his promises and do all and more than he has said?

I am a foolish woman.

I pray that I may learn to pray.

Whose Beauty?

2011-07-09T12:53:00.003+03:00

It is a gratifying thing to be called beautiful. Every woman yearns to hear it.
But sometimes as nice as it feels there is something more that I want.
The last verse of one of my favorite hymns is running through my head today.

May His beauty rest upon me,
as I seek the lost to win,
And may they forget the channel,
seeing only Him.

We Eat Well...

2011-07-08T16:27:00.002+03:00

This is probably one of my biggest problems with becoming healthier this summer. I love to cook good food. And having a little more free time from school and needing breaks from language study, I have wanted to cook everything in sight. Then my roommate got a new cookbook. It's amazing! It is called The Quick Recipe. And after reading through some of it, my roommate had to sternly command me not to cook cinnamon rolls. Sad... :(

A Walk in the Park...

2011-07-06T17:58:00.006+03:00

So... park walking and running has become my new morning recreation. Months ago we were walking at 7-ish am. But it's too hot then, now. But the park we run at is really a wonderful place. There are lots of people, even women. The parks are some of the only green left in the city. They water them so much. Even the plants on my patio are looking distressed. Has anyone tried growing tomatoes indoors?

Anyway, the park is lovely and green and the air in the mornings is less than 100 degree F. I took pictures one morning as I walked.

The Not-So-Ordinary...

2011-06-28T17:32:00.011+03:00

My life as a teacher is usually fairly predictable. I have scheduled classes I attend every day, I grade papers, and I read stuff for prep. Occasionally this regularity is punctuated by a child vomiting in the classroom, a visit from someone out of town, or the doorknob breaking and locking me or the students in or out of the classroom. These are the eventful days.

This summer, however, has proved to have it's own adventures. My arms are still weak feeling from carrying a heavy bookshelf up the stairs (with the help of a construction worker who was working next door). In the last week I've been chauffeur and photographer (in the dark!) for a wedding, soccer coach for dozens of children in over 100 degree heat, language learner, counselor for issues large and small, and problem solver for water shortages and appliance noises. This may be common for some of you, but it has been a busy week for me!

I noted the return of the mullet as a fairly common hairstyle for young boys here and we also cleaned, pulled up the rugs, and rearranged our living room.

265. Clean rug smells
266. Watching movies on the big screen (in the house!)
267. A new furniture arrangement
268. A new dress from Kuwait
269. Falling asleep from language study
270. Going to bed early because I'm so tired, this is a good thing.
271.Writing a note to Shokhan in Kurdish on my phone
272. Getting invited to RG with some students
273. Having water again in the house--and then not... again. hmm...
274. A day off
275. Living Water
276. Not having water not being a stresser. How cool is that! Totally a God thing.
277. The neighbor checking his trees in his pajamas
278. Lunch with my language tutor and giving her some company
279. Opening myself up for God to change me
280. Revelations (however painful) of how self-serving I am and how I seek my own glory
281. Good news from friends in Europe
282. Talking with Laurel on the phone
283. Red sparkles glinting on the wall from the jili kurdi my neighbors lent me
284. A quiet bus
285. Our dripping AC water caught in a bucket to flush the toilet =)
286. Zh. understands me!
287. Chatting and hanging out with Lizzy!
288. Long afternoon naps
289. A successful tournament

Being Thankful...

2011-06-26T11:57:00.004+03:00

It's all in how you look at it. I realized the other day that it was a bit funny that I was thankful for the sign with an exclamation point on it. And being thankful for a road sign that isn't exactly informative is somewhat out of the ordinary. But if the world is a story, and more than that, a story written by a loving father, then what else could that sign be for? It doesn't represent just a traffic warning, it represents a God with a sense of humor with stories that are funny and encouraging. It represents conversations about punctuation in grammar classes and cultures allegorized by their writing styles. It's no longer just a sign for cars, it is a sign for me that I have a God who loves and writes a story with details that make me smile... even if I have been on a hot bus for 7 hours. Thank You!

Werzish

2011-06-20T07:40:00.003+03:00

Exercise is a wonderful thing. Everyone talks about the endorphins and the energy you get and I don't doubt them. It's just that I haven't gotten there yet. I'm still at the drag myself out of bed and stumble around with sore muscles stage. I dream of the day where I can jog effortlessly like some of the people I've seen running. I hardly expect it to come, though. I just don't like running THAT much. It is rather freeing, especially her in the Middle East, for a woman to have a place where she can go and run or walk without feeling supremely awkward. So, I am thankful for the opportunity and the friends to encourage me to get in more exercise. Running or walking 4 times a week and doing exercise videos 5 times a week seems like we might be biting off more than we can chew, but I'm glad to aim high and it is the summer time after all. =)

254.My new orange skirt with sequins and all
255. Kalle helping me with my grammar and spelling
256. Jeremiah spending hours in the bazaar to find a part to fix the car
257. Breezes blowing at my back in Azadi Park
258. Seeing the guys awake, cheerful, and doing things in the morning
259. Mornings where we've accomplished things
260. Full breakfast with friends for dinner!
261. My chickens being cuddly in the evening
262. Running
263. Sore muscles that prove I did something!
264. Learning over and over again the same lesson, God cares enough that I actually get it... how patient he is. I wish I were so patient a teacher.

Good Gifts...

2011-06-14T15:54:00.006+03:00

I've been pondering and discussing good gifts with people lately. It probably stemmed from my reading of Ann Voskamp's book "One Thousand Gifts" a couple months ago. But it resurfaced as my roommate and I were trying to buy a gift for a woman we don't know that well. We both like our gifts to be meaningful and special for that person. We don't like to give gifts that have no personal connection to the person. We want to get something the person will like and use. This is hard if you don't know the person well.

If we, who don't even know someone well, want to give good gifts, how much more does our father in heaven want to give good gifts?

What if he is giving us good gifts all the time, we just fail to see them for what they are. I think he is. I think I fail to see.

In part, I fail to see because I fail to ask. I've always been a timid prayer, more afraid that I'll ask for something I shouldn't have or that isn't God's will than boldly stepping out in faith (or even curiosity!). I wonder how many of God's gifts I've missed out on, not because they weren't given, but because I failed to see the giver in them.

For  the  real good of every gift is essential first, that the giver be
in the  gift-as God  always is, for He is love-and  next, that  the receiver
know and receive the giver in the gift. Every gift of God is but a harbinger
of   His  greatest  and  only  sufficing  gift-that   of  Himself.  No  gift
unrecognized as coming from God  is at  its own  best: therefore many things
that God would gladly give us, things even that we need because we are, must
wait until we  ask for them, that we may know whence they come: when in  all
gifts we find Him, then in Him we shall find all things.
                                  ----George MacDonald (#92, An Anthology, C.S. Lewis)



242. My new sticky notes program for my desktop
243. Warm bagel smell
244. Funny chicken noises
245. Convincing Erik chickens can be fun!
246. Our house is cool
247. Byki (computer flash card program)
248. The smell of fresh basil, tomato, and cilantro plants
249. Quality time with friends, just talking
250. A new TV show, Human Target, made me laugh with friends
251. Peach iced tea at the grocery store!
252. Having convinced the local theater to get Super 8. This is at the only real theater in this part of my country!
253. There is so much beauty in an eggplant

So my mother wants to see my chickens...

2011-06-12T17:17:00.002+03:00

Easter: Check out my very long neck, everyone!

Hermes: I'm a one-eyed pirate! Arrrgh! ... oh, wait... actually, I'm winking at you! Can you tell?

Pecky: Strutting is what I do best. Have you noticed my fine feathers?

Pushy: I'll sit or stand on the highest thing I can find. This did prove a problem, however, as I... uh, descended down the wrong side of the wall from the roof and well,... made some noise. The tall man caught me and took me back to my peeps.

My happy chicken family.

No new thoughts...

2011-06-07T18:48:00.004+03:00

It is amazing how studying a language can drain out any mental ability to think of anything else. I have a newsletter to write but even as I try to think about what has happened over the last month I come up with a random blur of vocabulary, students, grading papers, and having people over for dinner. And they pop into my head in such a fractalizing sort of way that no cohesion can be brought to them. I become tired just trying to think about what I'll write and then I give up. How on earth do people write books and memoirs and newspaper articles with deadlines? I haven't the foggiest idea... props to Miriam for all her hard work!

Now on to some thankfulness from my week!

230. Audio Books
231. Chickens survive a 3 story drop
232. Classical Music and how it's so Christian
233. Being able to predict the power schedule
234. Playing football with the 5-7th grade girls
235. Problem solving on an elementary level
236. I am of a people held
237. Librivox
238. George MacDonald and all I learn of truth from his characters
239. Having a friend I can vent to who understands what it is like here
240.Our mubarida (swamp cooler) and how I even felt cold during an afternoon nap--it's over
100 degrees F outside!
241. Pushy's pitiful and cute attempts at crowing

Pride

2011-06-04T21:53:00.002+03:00

I remember reading about the seven deadly sins in the Faerie Queen in high school. Pride is such a key to all of them, a love for self that has permutations in various pleasures or behaviors. Pride gives way to each of them. But pride in and of itself is destructive on its own.

We see it in the faces of small children who don't receive a trophy or win a game. They are hurt not because they scored fewer times, but because they did not receive glory. It is easy to see in them, they haven't yet become skilled in covering up their pride and self-seeking attitude.

But we adults are the same way. We dislike being neglected, forgotten, behind the scenes, because we want attention, honor, glory. Maybe we don't want it in all areas, but each of us has an area we really care about, something we want recognition for, or something we feel we deserve.

Whether we deserve it or not, whether it is given or not, I have found it imperative to be willing to bring myself to my knees and kill those desires. Unless a seed die... Unless I die to myself, I am rejecting the life of joy where God's glory is made manifest. How much better to live in awe and wonder at what God is doing, rather than be puffed up with myself.

Smile

2011-06-03T00:15:00.002+03:00

Some days we all just need a smile!

It's Hot Now

2011-05-31T15:22:00.003+03:00

The thermometer reads 107˚ F. We've had a long spring, full of rain and thunderstorms. The wind a few days ago nearly blew away my poor chicks and chickens and the dust that came with it has turned the sky tan for days. But even this is something to be thankful for. After all, the temperature would be considerably higher if it weren't for the dust. Our swamp cooler is able to keep the house at a comfortable 85˚ F, for which we are quite thankful, now that the city power isn't on as much. We can run the swamp cooler off of generator power.

I've been walking at the park some mornings and we're considering moving it earlier because we feel sluggish walking in the sunshine even at 7:30am. Another group of girls has begun running even earlier and I'm not sure if I'll join them or opt for a gym fee and some air conditioning instead of the heat and dust.

I'm memorizing Psalm 23 in Kurdish today... or rather working on it today. I struggle memorizing Scripture in English. But I always tell my kids that memorizing helps learn language and gets you used to the patterns that occur in it. So I'm taking some of my own advice. I'm going to write it up on one of the tiles in my kitchen in wet-erase marker.

Other than that... I graded my tests, I mopped the floor, I started a load of laundry, and now I might just take a nap to ward off the head cold/allergies that I'm fighting. Life is good.

213. Laughter at the dinner table
214. Good wine
215. Kind friends who tell you nice things
216. New desktop sticky notes program
217. Kevin graduated
218. Chickens liking watermelon
219. Our swamp cooler
220. Being done grading my tests
221. Spring smells in the park in the morning
222. New breakfast ideas
223. New sister discovered
224. Student presentations
225. Pleasant picnic spots
226. B. talking to a small brown bird
227. Mr. R's charisma with the students... they're wrapped around his finger
228. Students' love for their teachers
229. Good conversations

After the hard times...

2011-05-30T23:06:00.002+03:00

After the hard times filled with Satan's lies, after pushing through and demanding the snake's silence, after going back to my knees with thanksgiving, humility, and death to self...

Then it comes.

The vision of grace.

God's glory unfurled if only for a moment or even a series of moments stacked one upon the other. And I am thrilled down into my marrow at the seemingly random fitting into place. I am amazed at how God doesn't always call the people we think he will, he redeems the Moabite widow, the harlot of Jericho, the girl who cried in the hallway slicing her arms, Saul who persecuted the church, the boy whose atheism sounded loud through the years, and God builds his kingdom step by step.

And in a moment my heavenly family grows and I see how God put things together that I never could have and how the ugly is used for his purpose and how my failure was what what was needed and how our great mistakes can be the answer to someone's prayer.

2011-05-27T22:37:00.003+03:00

Do you ever have days where the lies of the enemy crowd in around you and you can barely hear yourself pray because of the din they make in your mind? ...where you see the good work of others and despair because you know you will never be that kind of person, have that talent, be that impressive, have that charisma? The distraction of this cacophony can be intense like a screeching microphone during a speech. The pressure bows the shoulders and tries to push tears from the eyes.

The enemy says, "You don't impact these peoples' lives, why even try? You won't be remembered by any of these students. You don't make a difference. You might as well go back to the States for all the good you do here! Other people are far better at this than you. Why are you even here?"

But this is where He goes wrong. Being remembered isn't the point. And if I look only to myself each statement is true. But while I can't make a difference, God can and HE has asked me to be here. I can't accomplish good here, but God can and HE has called me to be here. Other people may be far better at this or more talented, wiser, more impressive, but God's power is made perfect in weakness. Myself must die; I don't matter.

As the lies of the devil lose their power, the noise quiets, and I am in the quiet again. How do people survive if they are really the center of their worlds, if it is really they that matter?

Does the leaf complain that it is transitory and falls to the ground instead of being a more lasting piece of trunk?

Empty and Full

2011-05-22T13:56:00.004+03:00

Empty and full, like myself overflowing and yet pleading as if I'm hollow
For a soul or two or three, weighing the knowledge that God is enough and yet I ache.
I can see glory in the rage of a teenage boy all ugly and flawed,
The face on a tree grins back at me, returns my smile that just is
BECAUSE... God redeems even the ugly, especially the ugly.
He redeemed me, became my kinsman, and loved even me.
And I see God teach, draw, woo, and fill one and then another.
They deal with the angry words and fists flying, quench the fire
With relentless care and drenching passion unknown before.
My breath catches and I can't imagine being happier, unless...
This one too, Lord, please? I feel so empty, so full...
Overflowing and yet pleading as if I'm hollow.

Some Days...

2011-05-18T14:34:00.002+03:00

Some days the internet is so slow that I give up on posting altogether.

Some days Easter is so sad to be left outside with the other chickens that I take her inside with me and even let her sit on my shoulder for a while as I write blog posts or try to load various searches and pages.

Some days the sky is the most beautiful thing I can imagine as it fills with rain, clouds, and lighting. But almost as much as that is the cool air it brings and the delay of the desert heat.

Some days I can barely think of my class work as I marvel at the change wrought in some by the Great God of Heaven.

Some days my allergies are so overwhelming that I just curl up and take a nap.

Some days I get to play games with my sister over Skype and how awesome is that!

Some days the chick falls asleep on my touch pad and makes it difficult to navigate.

Some days I want to do nothing more than clean my room but it still isn't high enough on the priority list to be accomplished that day.

Some days I pour water on the B-ball coach's head to make friends with the girls and to make them laugh.

Who doesn't need...

2011-05-15T17:07:00.002+03:00

A Happy Chick Pic!

Reveling in Rain

2011-05-12T16:54:00.000+03:00

The Orange Tree

2011-05-10T19:46:00.002+03:00

(My late Monday post due to lack of internet)

This is the first year I’ve owned an orange tree. It is small and this year it put on three buds. I watched those buds and waited… I thought at one point that they were ready to bloom. I expected them soon. But time went on and the buds got bigger and bigger. They became nearly triple their earlier size. I had no idea how far they had to come before they would finally bloom. Would they ever bloom? Then one day one petal folded itself out of one bud. By the next day all three were open and fragrant, permeating the patio with glory. And at the same time, but waited for and prayed for many years rather than weeks, the full blooming of a new creature in Christ was born. And the fragrance was revealed before the telling and the permeating of God’s glory in this new creature will not fade like the flower, will not wither and will never die.

192. The American Christians in Michigan who help Kurds... such an impact.
193. Halparke
194. Beautiful fabrics that make me dream of my next jili kurdi
195. Me actually wishing for the baby I'm holding to spit up on me (how funny is that... I thought I wanted to go home.)
196. Fake cheering and applause played over a speaker
197. The bobby Dutch groom learning to dance Kurdish style
198. Writing thank-you's by strobe light!
199. Baby Zhian and all her cuteness and slobber
200. The servant-king/beggar-king
201. Staring at the sun, round and clear through the dust
202. Persian Rugs
203. Child prayers
204. The pigeon and his iridescent blue black feathers beside the soft brown koterie bird
205. Softy's continued flights carrying sticks up to build her nest
206. Black Highlander Grogg coffee
207. Toasted bagels with cream cheese
208. Good conversations with friends on the phone
209. Leaving messages for my family
210. The answers to my student's question being in God's hands not mine
211. The orange tree blossoms
212. New life in a person

The First Crow

2011-05-03T23:33:00.005+03:00

I think Pushy is a rooster. The comb on his head is far higher than Pecky's... although Pecky seems to have quite the tuft developing. Today, though, I think he tried to crow. He became serious looking and lengthened his neck out and made a funny noise... something between clearing your throat and honking... but quiet.

I know, I know... I've got dozens of pictures of my chicks. They are just the most willing photography subjects and give me the opportunity to play with all sorts of lighting and movement. Chicken photos are my new hobby. =)

Phases

2011-05-02T13:36:00.004+03:00

We all know that we go through phases in life. Some of these phases are determined by our likes or dislikes: a cooking phase, a stamping phase, the phase we went through in 5th grade where we only wore pink. (Most fifth grade girls have a pink phase... even in the Middle East!) Other phases are a little more out of our control. They can look the same, like my sister's phase of wearing pink that came not of her own desire but because all the hand-me-downs were that color. (Sadly, she hated pink and still does.) Others that fall in this category are phases of frugality or wealth, phases of business or more rest, singleness, motherhood, or retirement.

I am beginning a new phase. This is the phase of being alone. I've had phases like this before. One of the best things about phases is that you know they won't last forever. Nearly all of my close friends and housemates have left the country. It happens when you live overseas... people go back to their home country or they move on somewhere else. But when all leave at once it can leave you feeling a bit at a loss. There is loss. And in a life with much work and few believers it can be hard to find that friendship and fellowship that fits into the rest of life.

I am thankful for this phase of alone. I should be able to spend more time reading and doing language study. And I'd like to spend more time in prayer as well. I have high hopes.

And as one of my students so aptly reminded me... God is not a phase. Christianity is not a phase.

170. Drenching rain with my sister and one last lightning storm together
171. Giggling past 1am
172. Choking tears of finality
173. Buying a basketball rim
174. A successful Kurdish phone call
175. Leveled benches
176. Laughing over dishwashers and tea-bags
177. Coconut-milk in the refrigerator section
178. Laurel's visit and all the games and backrubs
179. Giving my students something to be thankful about
180. Student saying, "Oh yeah, he's cool." in reference to God
181. Listening to a French Quartet perform live
182. Bad acoustics
183. Plucked violins and cellos
184. People who say hello, good bye, good morning, good night, and thank you
185. Little chicken feathers and stretching wings
186. Nursing mothers
187. Fellowship
188. Spontaneous hairspray adventures
189. Praying during the call to prayer
190. The Iranian woman... and her story translated through
191. Fruit that looks like it is glowing

The Storm

2011-04-29T21:35:00.003+03:00

I've been thinking. This is a problem. My brain can get ahead of itself. I have so many words, thoughts, ideas, concepts running through my head. The connections between them are lightning... fast, bright, crackling and sparkling. A moment after I can't really see them anymore but the imprint is burned into my retina and a shadow still remains.

I'd like to draw out a bubble chart as the Bible, One Thousand Gifts (by Ann Voskamp), Notes from the Tilt-a-Whirl (by N.D. Wilson), and the Odyssey all collide in this tornado . I read Rasselas (by Samuel Johnson) next with my students and I know that that will only add force to whipping wind that swirls in my head.

At moments it's just confusion, at other times I've been drenched in the rain of revelation, where things suddenly make sense... a word or phrase fills me with understanding and sinks in deep, I'm wet through with it.

I am in a good place. It's hard place. But my God has given it to me and he only gives good gifts. Sometimes my favorite gifts are the thunderstorms.

Easter Thoughts

2011-04-24T18:14:00.004+03:00

"What Have I Got to Do with Easter?!"

It's amazing how we use hard-boiled eggs to represent life and resurrection for Easter. I've never quite caught the vision for the parallel. It has always seemed an image pushed too hard, an attempt at Christianizing a symbol taken too far. After all, hard-boiled eggs? Really? Whatever might have grown in there is dead. Really.

It wasn't until I actually got chicks that this idea began to make sense. I've been researching about chicks and chickens a lot lately. I don't know if mine will be hens or roosters; I don't even know really how old they are. I looked at photos and drawings of the various stages of growth and gender traits. This is where I found "candling". This is how breeders tell if an egg is fertilized or not, by whether various certain details show up in the egg when a bright light is shined through it.

And while I've always known eggs carried chicks, I caught some of the enthusiasm for the coming life that eggs can be anticipatory of. As I imagined my own chickens laying eggs some day and how each of them came from an egg of their own, I saw how an egg could be a symbol of life. It became more real to me. That said... I love Easter.

153. The propane truck's ice cream song warbled with the call to prayer-makes me laugh!
154. Life is not an emergency.
155. Watercoloring with Laurel and her painting of a yellow umbrella
156. Funny Boggle words
157. Beautiful bagels in the oven
158. Borrowed eggs
159. Meeting new people in my cleaning clothes
160. Sunbeams revealed through orange dusty air
161. The smell of rain and the sound of rain on a covered football stadium
162. An orange and yellow sunbeam quilt with the word "Hope"
163. A little girl with her head on daddy's shoulder and wrapped in his arms
164. A deep Scottish voice leading songs on Easter
165. Man in jili kurdi, with guitar and sunglasses... a traditional "rockstar"
166. Young charismatic Kurdish man preaches and is translated by conservative middle-aged reserved Scottish man
167. Christ is risen and gives us new life
168. The glint of sun off of jili kurdi pants, orange, white, pink, silver...
169. The seed of woman is not limited to biologically birthed children

Last night I took 3000 photos

2011-04-21T10:22:00.001+03:00

I kept these five.

When the head aches...

2011-04-18T14:07:00.003+03:00

I step into the school building, a veritable flood of noisy children running and screaming in every direction, forming eddies around the pillars that hold up the swooping marble staircase. The whole place echoes, it wasn't made for any sort of quiet. The tile walls and floors bounce the sounds around over and over again, magnifying the effect on the ears.

Up the staircase and down the hallway, cliques of adolescent girls or boys gather like dust bunnies in corners or around trash bins. Their voices mingle with the crunch of chips, the smell of overcooked hot dogs, and the vision sunbeams showing in the dusty air.

Entering the classroom with no doorknob, accidentally kicking an empty water bottle left on the floor, and piling my things on the empty student desk at the front of the classroom, I let out a sigh and smile at the students who are milling around the room. It's warm today, but not bright. The haze hides some of the sun, and the students have pasted pieces of paper to the windows to keep from being blinded on the sunnier days.

I smile, nod. Some rush past me with a mumbled phrase in Kurdish or English. Rubbing hard, I erase that morning's math lesson from the white board, the ink well soaked in and all over. In a few minutes, the bell will ring... a mass of students, half of them screaming, will rush toward their classrooms. Others will dawdle, waiting until the last minute to enter, pretending to throw away trash or that they were in the bathroom. And then, then, I'll quiet them, then I begin. Then it finally gets quiet enough for me to hear the pain throbbing in my head and I am filled with wonder.

Thanks:
142. That the headache comes on a day where I have very little lecturing to do.
143. A silky bright orange scarf
144. Boxes with gifts from friends and family
145. Little cheepers running towards me for breakfast
146. Starting thankfulness lists with my Muslim students... who knows...
147. The painting Pauli made for me
148. New cross-stitch colors to fill in missing spots
149. Laurel's willingness to take care of me
150. Water... that we can drink it and it tastes good!
151. Language lesson revelations... I finally understood the word for wash in the present tense!
152. Giving away books and stories of others who have given away books

Five-Minute Friday: On Distance

2011-04-17T17:13:00.003+03:00

Ok... I know it's not Friday. Maybe next week I'll get it on the right day. But here goes...

Over at Gypsy Mama, there's the prompt to write for five minutes without worrying about whether or not everything is all perfect and correct. So... I thought it would be good for me to try. The prompt was "On Distance".

So, here goes!

On Distance

Rich Mullins has a song about how the “other side of the world is not so far away as I thought that it was…” and sometimes it feels true. I live on the other side of the world and my home is not on either side of the world and on both sides I have homes. What is distance when this is the case? How far away is heaven? Even 3 days of airports and airplanes can’t get me there. But it takes longer, a lifetime, and shorter, a moment of death.

That is the distance that seems the furthest and yet the end is coming sooner than it seems. And yet, some days I feel like I have come farther than I wanted to; I am ready to leap into heaven. Why do I feel this way when so many people I know cling to life like it is everything? I do not plan to leave friends and family, do not wish to make them sad, but to be truly home? What better thing can I think of? There is no home on earth for me. I yearn for it, while I make temporary homes here in one country or another.

I feel the foreignness more than most people I know, I think. I cannot delude myself into thinking that I belong here or where I grew up. I can taste my difference.

131-141

2011-04-11T20:22:00.004+03:00

131. Our new table in our kitchen, the smell of wood and varnish

132. Boggle games with my sister and finding the words league and malaise

133. Cooking fresh green beans

134. Learning new vocabulary

135. Cilantro and basil sprouts

136. The word home cut out of an orange magazine page

137. Enthusiastic student speeches reveling in classical music

138. Fresh homemade bagels with my sister

139. This year's Starbuck's Tribute blend of coffee

140. Being able to listen to Christa Wells even though Amazon won't let me buy her music because I don't live in the U.S.

141. Sunsets caught with my new camera

Jeepers Cheepers?

2011-04-10T20:01:00.006+03:00

This is Pecky.
This is Pushy.

I now have 4 chicks:two older ones, and two new little ones. Fortunately they are all getting along great. Now we just have to wait and see if they are hens or roosters.

These two are Twitch and Hermes.

121-130

2011-04-04T19:54:00.003+03:00

121. My mom and sister flying half way around the world to visit me!

122. Lizzy's back!

123. New photo possibilities with a new camera... hopefully more to come... once I figure out how it works... =D

124. The sound of my sister waking up in the morning.

125. My mom making a whole pot of coffee in the morning.

126. Pecky and Pushy nesting in my sister's hair.

127. A tan sky about to pour rain

128. Sugarfree cinnamon gum

129. Waking myself up in the middle of the night speaking Kurdish

130. Ten copies of "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp to give away (soooo excited!)

Good Work...

2011-04-01T13:53:00.002+03:00

There are some days where I enjoy nothing so much as housework. Today was one of those. I dread the pile of grading that awaits me. But cleaning my house for the arrival of a good friend, my mom, and my sister thrills me to my toes.

I have realized however, that my house looks a little ghetto. Nothing matches. I've been so blessed to inherit things from a wide variety of households (this means I actually have enough bedding, etc, to host people!), but it also means that none of it was bought with any thought for the other things in the room. Thus, coordinating colors or decorating themes are not even to be dreamed of. That combined with the style and patterns found in Middle Eastern items makes it even less cohesive than it might otherwise be.

Part of the amazement in this is that I don't normally notice these things anymore. I don't think about it again until I try to look at it with my mother's eyes. When I see how my sister (who's amazing decorative abilities have painted nearly every wall in her house) might see these places and items, I'm a little embarrassed. It's a good thing she's so nice!

But none of that makes it not worth it for them to come. I'm SOOOOO excited! =D

Thriving in the Flood

2011-03-30T22:40:00.003+03:00

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
² When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
³ For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;”

--Isaiah 43:1b-3a

For most of my life I have read passages like this and thought that they were true. I imagined life like a raging river and me walking through, up to my neck in cold strong flowing water. Coughing and sputtering I would eventually make it through and God would be proved faithful. I would eventually make it to the other side, but I would probably look like one of those fluffy dogs right after a bath, resembling a drowned rat more than a real person.

I have suddenly realized that I was wrong. Studying Exodus and Joshua with my students showed me how God takes his people through the waters and through the rivers. His people walk through on dry land every time. It is not a half-drowned people that march up to Jericho. God is not just interested in survival; he calls for victory.

Every day as I stand before my students with God’s word, I am humbled. There is only so much I can do to prepare; their questions range from absurd to insightful. I go each day knowing that I do not have enough knowledge, understanding, or charisma to truly do my classes justice. But God does. He is enough. I place myself in his hands every morning knowing that there is no way I can do this myself. I am wholly reliant on my God. And just as I knew he would be faithful to help me survive, I have found him faithful to make me thrive. Each moment that I see victory, growth, or truth springing up in the hearts of my students, I am in awe. It is not from me and that is a beautiful truth.

My students have learned how Rahab teaches that God sometimes asks people to forsake their friends and city to honor God above all things. Also, God does not choose based on any person’s goodness or worth; he let in a prostitute. And yet, “the wages of sin is death,” and how any of us is alive with our sin is a gift. One student (who has read ahead in the story to the New Testament) basically spoke the gospel today in class and asked, “So is this how it is?” Another student responded, “That is a really big favor.”

My God has given me more favor than I could ever imagine. I have favor in HIS eyes through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. I have favor in the eyes of my students, both intellectual and not. I am blessed with answers for questions I have never thought of.

It is a beautiful thing to tell a good story to someone who has never heard it. Now imagine getting to tell the best story there ever has been and ever will be to those who don’t know it! And I’m not good at telling the story, but God is. And I am SO blessed to be here to watch God tell these kids his beautiful story. I revel in it. I am in awe.

I hope and pray that each of you, as you go about your next few days, will place yourselves in the hands of God. Admit you can’t do it; let him fill you; and watch how God will tell his ever expanding and magnificent story through you. I wish you this rejoicing that I have, joy inexpressible and filled with glory.

(Written January 25, 2011)

Intrigued by the SHE Speaks conference and the possibility of a scholarship to go (see A Holy Experience). Check them out as they try to connect women to encourage and bless each other.

The Smell of Warm Dust

2011-03-28T13:26:00.002+03:00

It is amazing how certain smells, however unpleasant, can be the triggers of amazing feelings of home, warmth, or happiness. In the winter it is the smell of kerosene and the heater fumes which although minimal, permeate everything. The other day I walked past a man who was smoking a cigar and it smelled exactly like a smell in my pastor's house in the States. I also once met a man here that wore the same cologne as my brother and it really caught me off guard. But now, in April, there begins a new smell... a summer and adventure smell... the smell of warm dust. It blows in and coats every thing every day. I hate dust. But the smell of warm dust is exciting and full of promise to me. I know; odd. But it is one of the many things I am thankful for.

110. Brightly colored flash card pile

111. That chicks have distinctive personalities... who knew!

112. Finding a notebook with colors and words that I am not ashamed of carrying around... it says "Nautre show charm to express the greatness of God." Misspellings and grammar problems included for everyone's enjoyment!

113. My students helping me with confusing vocabulary.

114. Finding the Odyssey read aloud by Ian McKellan

115. The birthdays of little girls and seeing people grow

116. Being considered a ravishing beauty here... trying to be thankful... it does feel nice to be admired... right? Being thankful even when it creates awkward situations because I don't know how God might be using it in the lives of the people who see how I respond... (like everyone in the grocery store).

117. Star Trek... comforting in an odd sort of way... reminds me of home and when I was young.

118. Prshing... sunbeams!

119. Having a headache go away

120. Bananas that are more amazing than any I've had in the States

101-109

2011-03-21T11:28:00.004+03:00

101. People who will brave the crazy sandwich shop to get me dinner.

102. My parents willingness to research and advise on camera choices.

103. How thrilled people are here when I dress in their traditional clothing.

104. All the birds that live on our house.

105. Coffee in the morning.

106. Vacation where I can spend an hour reading (not school stuff) and not feel guilty.

107. Eucalyptus mint lotion from Bath and Body Works.

108. Feeling very protected and safe, even on a busy street full of people, even when I stick out with my blond hair.

109. Having accomplished a lot on my lesson plans.

Happy Newroz!

2011-03-20T22:28:00.003+03:00

94-100

2011-03-19T11:07:00.003+03:00

94. New camera anticipation. I've been dreaming of taking pictures again for weeks now as I researched various brands, prices, bells and whistles. Decided on the Panasonic FZ40 as a good balance for my needs here.

95. The smell of hyacinths

96. Spring temperatures

97. Dinner and games with friends with no two people from the same country!

98. According to above... that I even have friends!

99. Happy flashcards (bright colors and unusual combinations!)

100. My parents who buy me whatever I want (the day after I send them a list) and send it to me! (Aren't they just so sweet to me!)

On Buying a New Camera

2011-03-17T16:31:00.002+03:00

Ok... so as some of you might know, my camera is taking a long (most likely permanent) vacation in a lost and found storage room somewhere between Seattle, WA and Istanbul, Turkey. Since then I've been searching around for a new camera. Now, I like taking pictures and I do need one for some of my work here. I've saved up some money, but certainly not the thousands of dollars needed to buy a truly fantastically amazing more-than-I-could-ever-need sort of camera. I'm not interested in one of those anyway. But I've learned more and more about photography and I do want something beyond your most basic point and shoot. Did you know there are about 3million options out there online? How's a girl to know? I've read tons of reviews. There are pros and cons to every product. One person raves about a camera's awesomeness... another says it was the worst purchase EVER! Scary. And a purchase here isn't some short term trial. There's no send it back the next day sort of thing, someone has to carry it back halfway across the world in a suitcase.

The one I'm looking at right now is Canon SX30IS. Anyone know anything about it? I've read tons and it looks like it could be a good fit and would allow me to take images from a safe distance as I hate to feel the tourist in the place where I LIVE. Awkward.

Pondering

2011-03-14T21:07:00.003+03:00

Ancient Greek History... condensing years of education into roughly a month of classes.

The Odyssey... interesting, fruitful, and self-directed activities relevant to 10th graders.

Kurdish Language... verb tenses, pronouns agglutinating into verbs, and vocabulary in general.

Plants... when will they grow!

"I will glory in my Redeemer..."

Conflict and Confrontation... how does one communicate these sorts of things without freaking out, how does one know when these things ought to be communicated.

Vacuuming and Clothes in the Dryer... waiting for the city power, will it come back before midnight?

85. Successfully hosting team dinner
86. The plant selling Arab man's smile
87. Quiet
88. The pigeon-dove cooing with the hymns playing
89. The orange-red chicken on my sidewalk this afternoon
90. Wind-- the rusha-ba
91. People who hug me and help me with dishes
92. Understanding the "Betterness" of some things
93. Dreams that seem so real and tangible that they teach something

74-84

2011-03-13T16:14:00.002+03:00

74. My first sprout in my garden... one in the flower box!

75. A cherry tree near my language teacher's house in full bloom.

76. People who care about me being alone.

77. Getting through my whole stack of language flashcards before my next lesson.

78. Sangria

79. Settlers of Catan game nights with friends

80. Beautiful journals with small lines

81. A clean kitchen

82. Friends to serve

83. God's peace after a storm

84. Two weeks of holiday!

Not Exactly Twitterpated

2011-03-10T21:24:00.002+03:00

Twitter is a huge fad: one I always hoped to avoid.

Then the people I work for decided that this huge fad would be a good way to communicate and hopefully do some recruiting for more teachers in my area.

So, today, I signed up for twitter. I officially made my first "tweet". And I gave myself one more thing that I have to keep track of.

Why are they called "tweets" anyway? Is it because "a little bird told me"? Sounds like the perfect excuse for accelerated gossip to me. But what is used for evil the hands of some, God can use for good. So here goes...

Follow me: ColleeninSuly

Fix-it Success

2011-03-08T17:49:00.005+03:00

For over a year now, our dryer has had some sort of problem with it's handle. It wouldn't spring back after it shut. It took some fidgeting to get it to latch so that the dryer would actually run. Today, it suddenly occurred to me that I should see if I could fix it. I took out all the screws in the door and it came apart pretty easily. Then I had the handle in my hand and two little pieces of rusty metal wire of some sort. This is what it is supposed to look like:

On ours the two metal wires with loops were broken off about half an inch past the plastic. It took me a while to figure out what it was supposed to look like... searched and found this image online where you could buy a replacement part for a different brand. Hmmm.... heavy duty wire, that bends, but returns to it's original shape... This is not something I have in piles around my home. But, being a teacher, I do have these:

So I took one of the silver metal parts and fit it into the handle next to the broken wires. (They were still holding some parts together.) And then I tested it out. It worked! Our dryer handle is fully functional now... just hope it stays that way.

Thanks to my awesome parents who taught me to think creatively and how to fix things!

67-73

2011-03-07T08:41:00.004+03:00

Knowing when it is the right time or topic to confront someone is a tricky thing. It doesn't matter what the issue is, big or small, but it stresses me as I walk and pray and walk and pray. It is something I would choose NEVER to do if I had my way. If people don't understand what I say and become defensive, I get nervous and even more unclear. It's all lost at that point. I should just walk away. My inner child (if I have one) crawls in under the stairs and weeps. It might be something else weeping down there. And this leads me to some of the reasons I am thankful...

67. I work with a team of people who are gracious and will forgive.

68. They say thank you even when I've been a jerk.

69. They teach me not to assume that everyone understands things the same way I do.

And in other things...

70. Electricity in the morning

71. Food in the house so that I can cook

72. Progress on the compost bin

73. Sunshine and warmer weather

What's in YOUR Wallet?

2011-03-05T22:33:00.002+03:00

Marijuana

2011-03-04T23:28:00.002+03:00

I need the perfect, sinless sacrifice of Jesus Christ who can take all the broken messes and make them into mosaics of Grace. --Ann Voskamp

My students laugh at me when I tell them all things are grace. They tell me that I sound like I'm on drugs. I am... I've found the cure.

Blessings

2011-03-03T19:11:00.002+03:00

Did you know that some people buy ambient noises for their homes, like ocean waves and birds chirping. Well, here, that's the kind of thing we get for free! Not the ocean sounds, unfortunately. But there are some birds nesting in the hole in our wall that is for the AC/heater cords and hoses to go out. It makes for some interesting listening in the morning especially. I think they are some sort of sparrow. It was a little unnerving one morning, however, when I found a feather on our floor under the hole.

59-66

2011-02-28T21:51:00.003+03:00

59. Dirt and the hope of a compost bin

60. Reminders of God's promises from others

61. Going jacketless to language lessons

62. Having people I can e-mail when I'm broken

63. A 'cuppa' with some old friends

64. Getting my grades entered into my computer

65. 800 mg Ibuprofen

66. Being totally out of my comfort zone

55-58

2011-02-27T16:12:00.003+03:00

I don't feel like being thankful today. But I am thankful:

55. That no one is threatening my life.

56. That I enjoy my Kurdish class even when I'm tired.

57. That God convicts me of sin and that even when I don't want to let my bitterness go I see that it is worth it because God is worth so much more than my hurt feelings.

58. For my quiet bedroom.

A Day in My Life...

2011-02-26T10:57:00.002+03:00

The alarm went off at 5:55am, which wasn't too bad since I'd been to bed on time the night before. I got up, called my mom and we talked for about an hour until the power went out at 7am. I took a shower, got ready for the day, and began my fifteen minute timers. Fifteen minutes in the living room, fifteen in the kitchen, fifteen in the bathroom... I skipped my bedroom one because I cleaned it pretty well yesterday and used it to mix up a batch of bagels instead. I took the trash out that Molly had bagged up, removed the "Die America" sign from the windshield of my car, and carried up a new propane tank. Did you know that if you want that rusty colored jeans look all you need to do is carry a large rusty propane tank up your stairs! Voila! $100 dollar jean look for only 7,000 dinar! It's a deal! I did some grading and got the bagels in the oven. Now I'm off to a homeschool mom's meeting and it's only 11am! Happy Day!

The Disciplined Life

2011-02-25T19:17:00.003+03:00

Today: Feeling convicted. How often am I one of those who "joyful rise"? Do I offer each morning to God? It's his anyway. Why don't I? Elizabeth Elliot put it well:

We make a huge joke about our self-indulgence and treat with amusement our failure to pull ourselves out of bed early enough to get to work without a hectic rush. An eighteenth-century hymn by Thomas Ken would seem quaint nowadays:

Awake my soul, and with the sun
Thy daily stage of duty run:
Shake off dull sloth and joyful rise
To pay thy morning sacrifice.

46-54

2011-02-21T14:13:00.004+03:00

46. Pouring drenching brown rain that turns everything to mud including the tile patio, but it makes the sky clear!

47. Not getting days off for local rioting because it means my kids (students) aren't curiously wandering about the streets getting hurt.

48. Helping resolve issues peacefully between friends.

49. Ranch dressing... enough said.

50. Talking with the neighbor lady and being able to be a friend who knows what it is like to live in a different culture and learn a new language. (She's used to living in the UK, but doesn't speak English.)

51. A water bottle full of Airborne to drink all morning in class.

52. Being caught up on my grading (even if it was only 12 hours!)

53. Whoever it was that switched on the neighborhood power breaker to our house (we were running the dryer)... thank you!

54. Reading Psalms with my kids... we can't get to God... SO MUCH TRUTH!

I can't even think about anything else anymore except good conversations with my students as they walk themselves through their own depravity. The Word is so logical. Everything follows. How amazing is that!

Held Together

2011-02-20T21:44:00.004+03:00

He is the image of the invisible God,
the firstborn of all creation.
For by him all things were created,
in heaven and on earth,
visible and invisible,
whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—
all things were created through him and for him.
And he is before all things,
and in him all things hold together.

Today is one of those days where I feel "held together". Where it is as if I intimately know that without God's persistent presence in my body all the cells would simply fly apart. The atoms would wander away one by one and in masses of frivolity. My flesh could not exist without the steadfast acting love of God. I am reminded of the frailty of human life and the foolishness of mankind. But it is that foolishness of which I am glad as it makes me a good candidate for God's plans in the world--"God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; things that are not, to God chose what is low and despised in the world, even bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, 'Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.'"

Praying

2011-02-18T23:55:00.002+03:00

I think I am learning to pray for things that I've never thought of. I prayed for a table and God has promised me one. I've prayed for years for the harvest here and I was told it was here, ready, now by a great man. And now, when I go to pray for something that is not as big and certainly not as important, I hesitate. Is this really what God wants? Is this really something worth praying for?

As a young girl I remember my mother teaching me that nothing is too small to pray for. Having searched through the shoe basket what seemed a hundred times I was then praying to find my lost shoe to put on for church.

NOTHING is too small for the God who made cells and atoms and electrons and amoebas and fingerprints and isn't this a horribly and amazingly complicated "backdrop" for the story that God is so flamboyantly writing?

So I pray for books. Enough to give away to aching expat women. Pray with me.

40-45

2011-02-17T23:07:00.002+03:00

40. Pictures of my friends babies. (So cute!)

41. Texts that wake me up at 3am from a dear friend 11 time zones away.

42. The toys and puzzles in my house getting played with.

43. Green tea and white pear scented candles.

44. Relying on God for provision in every area of life... and how this becomes a habit after extended practice.

45. Having lasted longer in the psychological war with my students than they expected. (They tell me they are now going to bring out the big guns!)

Happy

2011-02-14T21:30:00.000+03:00

34-39

2011-02-14T20:08:00.003+03:00

34. The smell of bacon cooking. I live in the Middle East; this is truly an amazing thing.

35. My yellow tablecloth.

36. Asking God for some kind of extra time off and actually getting it. (Who knew that a celebration of Muhammad's birthday could be an answer to prayer.)

37. A clean house.

38. Listening to sermons on Ecclesiastes. I'm so excited to teach this next week.

39. Molly wearing a camo adventure hat.

My students' next writing topic...

2011-02-13T17:20:00.003+03:00

What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us. The history of mankind will probably show that no people has ever risen above its religion, and man's spiritual history will positively demonstrate that no religion has ever been greater than its idea of God. Worship is pure or base as the worshipper entertains high or low thoughts of God. For this reason the gravest question before the Church is always God Himself.”

- A.W. Tozer, The Knowledge of the Holy.

Molida

2011-02-10T12:39:00.002+03:00

Here, there isn't 24 hours a day of electricity. The city provides anywhere between 6-12 hours of power which lately has been at about half power, leaving lights dim and the refrigerator off. Then we have Molida, or a neighborhood generator. This gives us what we pay for, about 6 amps. It isn't enough to run heaters or the hot water heater but does great for lights, computers, and the internet. We've discovered that it will also run the microwave... but only in segments of time less than 30 seconds. After 30 seconds it will flip our neighborhood fuse.

This all leads up to the point that I just spent almost 10 minutes heating up my soup in 30 second increments. Sometimes I wonder where the time goes... this is one of the places.

26-33

2011-02-07T08:11:00.003+03:00

26. Gerbera daisies in bright colors

27. New lamps with bulbs that are more than 20 watts! I love light!

28. A team who loves me in spite of my faults.

29. The book of Judges and how it, too, points to Christ

30. The aroma of Highlander Grog Coffee

31. The eyes of someone desperately concerned about their sin

32. Making dinner for a large group of people! (As a single girl with one roommate this isn't everyday for me!)

33. Having made it to the age of 27.

I Win!

2011-02-06T17:52:00.002+03:00

I managed to celebrate my birthday without my class being in an uproar, without a super dry oil frosted cake, without silly string or crazy snow, and without any perfume being given me as a present. I win!!!

Thankful... trying...

2011-02-02T15:41:00.001+03:00

I am remembering that this large pile of grading means that I have students who are working hard and turning in their homework and learning things.

21-25

2011-01-31T17:18:00.006+03:00

21. Seeing God work in students through the prayers of many

22. A white cloud shaped like a flower seen through a hole in dark grey storm clouds

23. The song "I will glory in my Redeemer" running through my head on repeat

24. Cranberry Juice

25. Perfectly timed sunbreaks in a freshly cleaned kitchen

2011-01-28T00:25:00.001+03:00

18. Being able to talk in Kurdish for 2 hours... however incorrectly!

19. Coffee with Baileys.

20. Overcoming the fears of becoming a student again.

2011-01-26T18:43:00.002+03:00

15. My meeting was postponed and I get to spend the evening at home!

16. Gentlemen who carry things for me... thanks Erik!

17. Learning to live without a camera... it is good.

Walking through the water...

2011-01-25T16:42:00.000+03:00